The Last Day Of January

is always a funny day.

Today I went to my first Mazer Family Fund meeting, which made me feel very important and savvy, which I figured is probably the way someone with a degree in finance feels all the time. Also I did other things that I can't remember. I kant remember. We read Kant in CC today. I love it I love it I love it Natalie Wood Natalie Wood Natalie Woooooood.

Last year on this date, I had "Danny's Song" stuck in my head and had just had a vivid dream about fretting upstairs while my unwanted old-man suitor waited downstairs. I still remember it pretty well WOW! I won't lie - a whole year went by and I still remember a dream that probably took place in under 10 seconds? I must have the most well-oiled machine of a brain ever, EVER.

Before I go to bed I have to:
-rinse out this bowl, which held ramen noodles not five minutes ago
-read something for italian
-read a lot for film
-change into my red flannel pajama set
-not drink a soda like last night, when I sat straight up in my bed for hours wondering why I couldn't sleep
-put the bowl away
-wash that I might be so fresh and so clean-clean
-turn out the light
-turn on the scrubs dvd I have out from netflix
-watch half an episode
-allow my eyes to shut
-clear my mind of all conscious thought
-prepare for REM
and at that point, I'll be pretty ready to sleep I think.

Likely modifications to the above list include:
-I'll probably skip the homework parts
-most likely I will only wear a part of the flannel pajama set

Tomorrow we're watching Citizen Kane in film and I. can't. wait.
I've heard it's supposed to be an okay movie, or something. who really knows, though. I mean, not that many people have seen it. Or have wanted to see it. Like, maybe more than zero...would be the number...of people who have seen it and wanted to see it. Whatever.

I just wish I didn't already know how it ended.

Qualify Seven Items With Me

Doing work on sunday when it's raining is very good.
Reading "When you are old" to Walt is very good, but also very sad.
Listening to the spin doctors in the year 2006 is almost meta.
Calling it "almost meta" is meta.
Reading Middlesex since Thanksgiving without having time to finish it is frustrating.
Living in new york is generally good.
Drinking vitamin water is healthy, probably.

Walt: I will go NUTS if you refuse to read to me right now.
Me: fine, fine, go nuts then.
Walt: ...
goes nuts
Me: Wow, I'm honestly sorry. Here, I'll read you the lyrics from "Jimmy Olsen's Blues."

I was wrong and he was right. I deserved this black eye. I walked into a door?
Why am I pretending to be a battered wife?!

Merrell Hambleton Meets The Big Two-Oh

Tell you what I did last night:

1) I came home, say, around a quarter to three (still so high)

2) hypnotized, in a trance from this body, so buttery brown and tantalizing

-you would've thought I needed help from this feeling that I felt, so shook I had to catch my breath!-

ooopssssssss there goes my shirt

and SCENE.




anyway this is a super-weekend, parties all the time, me not even care. Maybe I'll go to a convent and just start over. I'M SERIOUS, MAMI

I should start over, though. Start over this weekend or this semester or this whole college experience. What if I hadn't auditioned for the paunch? What if I hadn't even come to Columbia? What if last night I hadn't made out with a guy who turned out to be gay (making the count 4 to nothing)? THEN where would I be? Who knows! Probably on some houseboat in Seattle, whittling a cigarette out of a bar of soap and spitting into a spittoon whenever the mood struck! What a predicament I just dodged.

in one and one-half hours, I shall attend yet another party, ostensibly the ultimate party of the super-weekend. Then the bags are packed for the nunnery.

Bring me back something french!

When There's Nothing Left To Burn, You've Got To Set Yourself On Fire

isn't that great?!

A Story From Astoria

Books I'm Reading and My Thoughts on Each:

...wait, am I reading any books? I'm supposed to read Rousseau's Discourse on Inequality, two chapters of Michael Wood's America in the Movies called "The Price of Imagery" and "America First," a worksheet for Italian called "Nomi geografici," and Jeffrey Eugenides' Middlesex (though that one isn't for class).

But I mean, I'm not really reading any of them.

So in that case, there will be no thoughts on the books.

There will, however, be this fact:
last night I went to Queens for a party.
why why why I will never know why

I brought cousin Ali along. I just typed "we had a blast" and then deleted it because I don't want that kind of language associated with becklectic. It was fun, though. They have a lot of dunkin donuts in Queens (of which we did not partake).

I could use a nap, but then how would all the Rousseau get read? I'll have Walt do it.

and BY THE WAY, might I add that Walt continues to grow and astound me these days? Who knew that a little tiny jade plant could make this heart so big? Who knew? My heart didn't, that's for sure. For Walt's birthday I'm going to re-pot him. I think he'll like it a lot.

Cleopatra, Comin' At ME

things I saw today include but are not limited to:
-a dog with its tiny hind legs in a wheelchair
-Seth Meyers
-a little girl running out of a playground to lean on a car and cry
-my own future
-all of your futures
-future in general
-several drafts of my Conan and snl internship cover letters

Because this summer I'm trying to do the impossible
trying to live the dream
trying to make my way in this crazy popcorn hullabaloo we're terming "the world"
trying to get a really enjoyable internship.



You might just make it after all!

We Can Alter The Spicy To Suit Your Taste

FIRST:
what an uneventful week it hasn't been!

B:
Horace says "uti ridentibus arrident, ita flentibus adflent," which means "as men's faces smile with those who smile, so they weep with those who weep," which is totally untrue. Because guess what, ladies: I only laugh at misfortune or pain. Remember when I saw a guy trip on a banana peel in real life last year? Sorry, Hor-ass. Did it hurt much? When I set your thesis's tiny feet in concrete and threw it into the stormy blue sea? Because it felt REAL good to me.

thirdly:
If I've waited this long to do a post that turns out to be all about Horace (as quoted in my Hume book), maybe I should just quit. Yeah, that's looking like the only way. I quit. This is the end.

...

psyyyeeeeyych!

which brings me to my sixth and final point:
we're bringing back "psych."
spread it around! ASAP!

What if I got a job as an Italian tutor?
What if I skipped the Center for Career Education power half-hour on writing resumes and cover letters today in favor of watching Mark Krotov eat tofu soup? Then it would be totally worth it.
Especially since I fully roundhouse kicked his stomach right after and made him throw it all up.
Here's what he said right before he vomited:
"Beck, get a-get a plate!"
and right before that, he said:
"Well if you really want some tofu soup, somebody's gonna have to barf it all up."
and right after that, I did the roundhouse kick.

I'll admit, in that case I altered the spicy to suit my taste.

Ultimate Item:
we watched the 1932 Scarface in film today and never have I been more amazed at how someone can be such a perfect hybrid of Moe Szyslak and Brad Pitt. NEVER.

Just Like Honey

by: The Jesus and Mary Chain


1) I had honey french toast at a restaurant called Camille's. The entire meal for two people cost $15. You're in, Camille's!

2) Matt and I bought honey-scented hand cream for our mother at Christmas

3) Bees make honey

4) Becky fears bees and bears, which also enjoy honey (to my understanding)

5) Honey fears nothing

6) Camille Hinfray was my friend in pre-school but then she moved to Washington, DC and then to France

7) I had honey french toast at a restaurant called Camille's.

If I put up a trivia question now, I could send the winner a $5 chik-fil-a gift certificate. I found it in my purse, and frankly it's as useful as a continental up here. I'll come up with some contest and it'll be great fun. IT WILL BE FUN.

My name is Sue. How do you do? Now you're gonna die!

I Saw Mimi Get Emancipated In Kent Library!

That's right-
Mariah Carey is filming an intel commercial at school even as I type. I stood outside the building and nonchalantly looked in. She's littler than I thought. I befriended a tall asian man with long hair who was also looking in the window. I didn't catch his name.

First I had brunch at Deluxe. Then Philippa and Colin and I took a walk through Central Park and took pictures of us running away from an ampitheatre with plans to later replace the background with an explosion. We came back to school on the subway and then I was tired, so I tried to take a nap BUT Ashby called to let me know about the presence of one miss mariah carey on campus so I went there.

I have:
-All I Want for Christmas Is You
-Fantasy
-Heartbreaker
on my computer.

I have:
seen Mariah Carey.

I have:
to sleep eventually.

I saw Mimi get emancipated in Kent and all I got was this lousy t-shirt!

I'm Back

and drunk

Illiteracy Frees You!

Amanda and Katherine figured that out tonight when we remembered those little chairs from when you were little that were all "stand on me to be tall and sit on me to be small!" SHUT UP, LITTLE CHAIR I'LL DO WHAT I WANT

Everything is breaking lately. I think it's a sign. I have no idea what it's signaling, but something's coming. Probably Y2K running late, per usual.

Y2K: Hey I heard that!
Me: Sorry it's so true you stupid catastrophe

Here's what has broken recently:
-Katherine's car clock and car lighter (no more car charging for Bread Toucher)
-Philippa's computer, which crashed
-our deadbolt, which fell apart in my hands
-and after I fixed it, it sort of broke again today
-my ipod, which now shows a sad ipod, which means that it's totally broken and I'll have to go to an apple store now which is SO MUCH WORK
-my car's passenger seat window, which actually broke over the summer

Here's something from when we wanted to destroy some jerk's house:
Let's put an egg in his mailbox
Yeah, then later he'll open it and there might be an egg in there!

made ME laugh.

And now I can't tell if former secretary of labor Robert Reisch is actually very little or if Conan is just very, very big.

But Also

it's elvis's birthday!

Chase Computerton

Mom and I had a pan-Asian day, which is different from most other days how? I'm not sure. But it's definitely different.

First we saw Memoirs of a Geisha.

Then we went to Phoenix Cafe for noodles, which mom incorrectly thought was Japanese, which I correctly knew was Vietnamese. We ate there anyway. I like satay chicken, or really anything with peanut sauce. Thank goodness I don't have a peanut allergy because I have no control over myself when peanut sauce is in the room. I mean, everyone's like, "Get a room, becky and peanut sauce!" and then we're like, all guilty-looking.

We topped off the pan-Asian day with mom going to her bible study and me staying home, watching my Charlie Brown tape (including "Snoopy's getting married, charlie brown!" and "you're in love, charlie brown!") and then three episodes of the Simpsons in a row.

(stompstomp clap)

Things I Feel Like I Should Know How To Do By Now:
-bow and arrow
-tap dance
-speak french
-whistle by doing that finger-in-mouth thing
-use iMovie
-probably a bunch of other things
-throw a grown man to the ground
-win a game of pool using physics

Twin Camp would be ideal!

I Thought It Was At Least One Or Two AM

I:
am watching goonies!
am not picking up my phone
like it when Data says "slick shoes"

You:
are reading my words
like the checkers #10 meal, small size
should listen to "heat of the moment" by asia

We:
will talk about the song in person if you want
got to get it together
likes to party
don't cause trouble
don't bother nobody

Sarah Tullis:
is called "Sweet Sassy Tullassy" or Tullass
moved away today
will be missed

Harry's Farmers Market:
is still big, but not as big as when I was smaller
has less selection than it used to
sells the chapstick I just bought that tastes like honey

Goonies:
is great, obviously

I never meant to be so bad to you (clapclap stomp)
One thing I said that I would never do (clapclap stomp)
One look from you and I would fall from grace (clapclap stomp)
And that would wipe this smile right from my face (clapclap stomp)
IT WAS THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT!

Bob Saget Alive And Well

a) this isn't Josh's becky, though it is Josh's friend Becky
b) so not dead
c) who is Gil?
d) I'm wearing cowboy boots
e) here's something I should say more at the end of things:
"you're gonna wish you had never been born!"
f) need to start those tap lessons
g) need to actually buy tap shoes
h) it might snow tonight here in Atlanta
i) time for a shower

Bitterman?!

I think Bob Saget must be really very good at pool in real life. I can't explain without talking in depth about this episode of Full House that I'm watching, so I'll just leave it there.

But I will add that one time, the last line in the show was DJ's inner monologue going "oh Mylanta!"

And also I'll add that Miko Hughes is in this episode and he's the littlest ever. He's about to get his head stuck in between the stair posts.

Rocky road makes me CRAZY!!

A schoolbus just went past my window and the water on our street is shut off. I ate a muffin for breakfast. I slept for eleven hours and had a dream about escaping from my grandmother's car, which was taking me to a mental hospital. I waited for too long to leave, so when I finally did, she saw me and started chasing me with her driver close by. I woke up before I knew if I got away from them. I'm a mess!

Got A Pepsi For Me?

2006: Day Two

Today I purchased a bridesmaid dress for Briana's wedding in July.

Yesterday I watched Welcome to the Dollhouse.

Later on I plan to eat dinner.

Soon there might be a tornado.

Tomorrow I'll go to the Wesleyan alumni brunch.


2006: Day Three [projected]

Today I did nothing. Yesterday I did nothing. My arms have all these mysterious bruises. I lost one of each of my shoes. I also lost my car...not because I can't find it, but because I had to put it up to wager in a poker game last night. I don't even play poker. This is why.

At least these oh-god-I'm-sleeping-through-my-finals dreams are starting to wane.

Where Has Your Love Gone? It's Not In Your Music, No

2006, why do you already hate me? I want to throw up, it would be best if I threw up, and I feel like I could throw up if you'd only let me. 2006, let me be free.

2006, I'm sorry I missed your first minute after midnight. I was talking too much and was far away from a television so I:
a) did not see how old and frail Dick Clark apparently looked
b) did not see the ball drop
c) did not see the peach drop
d) did not count down the last seconds of 2005

I regret item #d because 2005 deserved a countdown. It's giving you something to work towards, 2006.

So far, 2006, you are characterized by my hair in heidi braids, me stinking at supermario brothers 3, me bringing a trashcan with me wherever I go, mary's amazing party, a mysterious red dot on the second toe of my right foot,

-wait, I just almost threw up-

the color yellow, a Christmas tree that is still up in our foyer, and "Fountain and Fairfax" from the My So-Called Life soundtrack, which I bought for Mlle. Hannah Goldfield at a street fair last year. She let me copy it onto my computer before hiding it away in her secret John Jay 5 wall safe. I sure hope that wall safe wasn't supposed to stay a secret.

I'm impressed that you're still here and listening to all of this, 2006. What will be your most important days? I will make a list of predictions now. Only they won't be predictions so much as just days that always make me think it's someone's birthday or some important event:
31 January
5 February
23 March
5 April
20 July (I think that might've been the moon landing)
26 November

That's it.

My birthday is on a Wednesday this year. Thanks a lot, 2006. I guess at least I'll get weekday drink specials for the big two-one. At least.

There are only 9 years until 2015 now. That's the year from Back to the Future II. Did you know that already, 2006? Sorry, you're a baby so I have to assume you've never seen a lot of movies.

GOOD LUCK, EVERYBODY.
GOOD LUCK, 2006.