You Date, I'll Stay In Diapers...No Wait, The Other Way Around

I have to sleep
or write papers
or learn lines
or get good at acting

the show opens on friday. Come see it, please.
112th Annual VARSITY SHOW
fri/sat/sunday 8pm in Roone (and a 2pm matinee on sunday)

I hit my head really hard today. Sometimes all I want are my Eggers books back from being lost in the mail.

somebody give me an internship

Ascetic Ideal

"The No he says to life brings to light, as if by magic, an abundance of tender Yeses; even when he wounds himself, this master of destruction, of self-destruction - the very wound itself afterward compels him to live"

can I write a 2200 word paper on that? methinks: yes, an abundance of tender yeses

or maybe I'll write this one:
"How Bad Are Opiates, Really?"
which will reconcile Feuerbach/Marx's views on religion with William James's views

or perhaps:
"Three Guineas Really Confused Me Because I Thought Virginia Woolf Would Want Women To Have An Opinion About How To Prevent War...Is This Supposed To Be A Satire? Because I Don't Get It"

The Return Of The Bronto-Bright

1) watching conan
2) getting conan pang
3) reflecting on genius decision to buy fruity pebbles
4) eating cereal
5) having no work (mostly)
6) wishing I brought my Jack Benny/Burns and Allen christmas tape to school
7) remembering that it's actually Matt's tape
8) not regretting stealing it
9) reflecting on genius decision to buy used solex cd at fair on college walk today
10) drinking (I wish)
11) getting more cereal
12) hoping letterman calls me for an internship interview
13) having second thoughts about craigslist internship interview
14) Suggested yard sale price: $1.25
15) The only way to guarantee your son stays a virgin for life
16) For when you're not just dirty - you're irish-dirty
17) We know what you're thinking, ladies, and we're working on it
18) something about Rutgers
19) Perfect for your upcoming crip walk
20) dole/lilo stitch sweepstakes thing
21) his own groin

items 1-13 are what I'm doing
items 14-21 are fake captions from conan's opening segment
items 22-27 are below

22) I really didn't have anything else to say
23) but I figured there should be more list
24) Who ends a list on 21? Unless it's your twenty-first birthday
25) I'm happy with 20. 21 is going to be lame,
26) except I guess I can legally drink, which is great for
27) a lush like me.

Maybe I've Come Undone

up at night
kick that kite

never get one
thing-to-do done

while we live,
let us live
(that's something I read)

karen coltrane
I avoid mcBain

falling asleep
with a beep beep beep



What the hell is this? Something borne of extreme sleep deprivation? Maybe. Do the sleep-deprived ever know for sure?

Here's what I do know for sure: I just felt asleep sitting up in my chair. Just now. Just before I typed "Here's what I do know for sure"

In Four Ways Do I Find This Night Different From All Other Nights

1) we usually don't go to Great Neck
2) I usually don't talk to my cousin's hypnotist wife for forty-five minutes while my plate gets cold at the other end of the table
3) Drinking sweet grape-flavored syrup wine isn't usually enjoyed by people other than myself
4) I usually don't have a reason to wear my huge peacock-feather felt skirt

Mah nishtanah look how cute this is.
What good question did you ask in school today? That's what I'll ask my children, too, then. And then they'll look at me, punch me in the gut, and run off to watch Showtime for thirteen hours screaming "I DON'T LOVE YOU" at me every so often. My children are just BEASTLY!

You know what I had forgotten? I was really mad the other night, and I was thinking about how mad I was while I was walking somewhere, and I was having one of those imaginary conversations with the person I was mad at, when suddenly all I could think to say was to sing, "I hate you, I honestly hate you." And then I laughed a lot, by myself of course, outside of course, but it didn't matter because all I could think was
I hate you
I honestly hate youuuuuuuuu.

So that's what I'll use when I must sing the children to sleep. "Oh, you don't love me? Well I hate you. I honestly hate you."

What a horrible mother.

Great News!

Haley Joel Osment is legal!

(finally! I felt like I had been waiting forever)

Seriously, though, I thought he was at most 14 right now. He'll be in his 20s soon. Haley Joel Osment will be a twentysomething in two years. What's that, Karen Carpenter? You're talking to yourself and feeling old? SO AM I.

Gonna Take A Lot To Drag Me Away From You

ta-da!
the one that says "v-show trailer" is our teaser.
the one that says "theatrical trailer" is our first trailer.
a second trailer is on its way.

I'm eating salsa and diet coke for dinner after a two-hour late-evening nap.
Yes, more work should have gotten done. I have forty-five minutes to write about my weekend in italian, complete a series of italian worksheets, read a packet of free verse poetry and write one of my own, write six postcards to mark krotov, and memorize a lot of Dante's inferno. After forty-five minutes, I'm walking down to Lerner to do an improvisational comedy show for Days On Campus kids.
Then after that I'm obviously getting wasted. Sunday night shmunday night hand me the sauce.

HIT ME, SERGEANT!
(name the movie - just do it)

okay here I go

Anastasia Krupnik

look at this.

Forget ages 8 to 12 - I want to reread that S right now!
I defy you to not look at the next page in the excerpt. I defy you that.

Furthermore,
-my nodules are flarin' up
-I ate flautas for dinner
-I might speak only in scanned phrases for a while, obviously not starting now since I doubt that any of this scans
-went to the Columbia Club downtown today, smoked a pipe with Eisenhower
-had a lovely fruit paunch show on friday with special guests from Tufts
-currently have memorized 30 lines of Dante, which is un sacco di* Dante.
-I listened to "Come and get it" by badfinger way too many times in a row tonight
-cold, hot, cold, nice - WHAT'S IT GONNA BE, MANHATTAN?
-I threw up twice this weekend
-I'm toying with the idea of buying a complete set of anastasia krupnik books from this old-library-book seller in amazon's 'buy & sell used' section
-should wash up and go to bed


*a lot of