Tuesday, October 30, 2007

To Be Honest, I Feel Like I Need Some Water

I'm three pages into two 2-page response papers. A-HA that shouldn't be a big deal, right?! But no, I don't even know what I'm responding to. Whatever I eat what I want.

Remember "Out of This World" with Evie Plumb and the mom from "Even Stevens?" Where the teenage daughter is half-alien, so she can pause time by putting her hands together? If I could do that at night, it would be great because I could sleep longer. After a few years of that, I might be older than I think I am. BUT THINK HOW WELL-RESTED!

Katherine was right about What's Up Doc? I laughed like a hyena when Madeline Kahn dragged that lady face-down on the ground who was holding onto her ankles. Also when the bartender smashed into door. You'd just have to trust me unless you want to watch the movie and I'll tell you which parts I'm talking about. Just ask! And when the jewel thief tries to distract the rich lady by tackling her over and over. It was an understated tackle, over and over again. Oh man, just rent it and you'll see!

Fourth page fourth page hmm. Oral History Archives. Respond, please.

If I ever teach anything where there's a written test, I'm just going to be like "the Renaissance (or whatever). Respond." And all those kids'll be like "WHAAAAAA?" and I'll be like "I don't even know how a grade curve works" and they'll be like "my wrist!!!! my wrist!!! oww!!" and I'll be like "you should've pulled a gertrude stein" and they'll agree.

it got so cold!!

Monday, October 22, 2007

Where'd I Put The Baby?!

I can't find a coursepack I just bought. I'm dehydrated because I can only remember drinking one glass of water during the day (every day since college started). I'm getting organized!

Youtube isn't letting me post the music video on this blog.
BLOGGY: What? Are you joking?
ME: No. Sorry.
BLOGGY: "Sorry?" Youtube is "sorry?"
ME: No, I'm sorry.
BLOGGY: Well how does youtube feel?
ME: I don't know.
BLOGGY: "You don't know?"
ME: Don't you think I'm trying?
BLOGGY: Can't you see I'm crying?
ME: I...I never thought of that. Hang on. (ME dials phone, presses "speaker," and sets it on the table)
VOICE: Bloggy? It's me, Youtube. I'm sorry. I really can't say just how sorry I am.
ME: (Presses "end.") How do you feel?
BLOGGY: As soon as it sinks in, I'll feel much better.

fin

I'm using different colored pens to fill in my datebook in the hopes of not forgetting as much this week. WISH ME LUCK!

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Yahoo Dot Com

Yesterday yahoo.com had my Don't Stop Believin' music video as its featured item! I emailed everyone I know. I'm trying to post the video as becklectic speaks. I'm also making coffee. I also just covered a peanut tin in contact paper and cut a slit in the top TO MAKE A COIN JAR!

AND NOW I'M ON COLLEGE HUMOR!
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1780787

Sunday, October 14, 2007

I Never Thought Of Living In A Boxcar

This week's Amoxicillin Variety Hour: You're Welcome!
(beware that it starts in the middle of the show, runs to the end of the show, then in the middle it has the beginning of the show. BEWARE!!)

other than that, I have done the following things:
-made matzah ball soup
-taken possession of a broken 200lb typewriter, several kurt vonnegut books, and a picture my dad made when he was little
-listened to several Camp Inch archives
-cleaned my room BIG TIME
-sent out a few thank-you notes finally
-built two shelves!

ok great HAVE A GREAT WEEK EVERYBODY

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

The Adventures Of Meat & Meat

Do you know what a cigarette cup is? I just found out. It's where at parties in the 60s and 70s, people would have tiny little cups just the right size to hold a few cigarettes and they'd set them out at parties so people could smoke. And they had little decorative ashtrays that matched. I just inherited two sets of them. I have three small white ones and two brilliant blue ones with ashtrays. I feel like they'll make good schnapps glasses, and the ashtrays can hold candy. I can't afford to smoke cigarettes, throat-wise and money-wise. I wish I could, cool-wise. But then what would I drink schnapps out of?

The other day I saw David Sedaris on the street. Two days ago I ordered two shelves (one bookshelf thing and one wire thing for shoes) from walmart.com. They were extraordinarily cheap. Hump day tomorrow! Get out your camels a-ha-ha-ha please thank you! Take my wife, please.

Yesterday I thought about the sentence, "take my wife, please," and laughed about it for twenty minutes straight. Oh my God, take my wife, please! Take her! She's yours! Just get her off my case! My joke's not working? How about you take my wife! Please?

I have to read Islam and do a beat sheet for Moonstruck. And some sit-ups should probably go in there somewhere. OR I could just go to sleep before even ten o'clock. Alright, that works.

Monday, October 08, 2007

I'll Never Fall Asleep Again

I had two AWFUL dreams last night and I don't even want to THINK about them. Yet here they are:

a) I was taking a stand against some horrible public figure and the way to do it was apparently to destroy all his belongings and vandalize his car. And in order to get away with it, I was supposed to pour flammable stuff all over his engine and then throw myself in there (to burn myself alive so there would be no evidence). But I didn't realize that I would be burning myself alive until like, an hour before I was supposed to do it. So then I was running around trying to find sleeping pills so I could at least be asleep for it, and the whole time I was with my brother and I was like "I'm so sorry I'm so sorry" and then at the last minute I think I decided not to do it.

b) Then later, I was at the beach with a friend, and this huge wave came crashing down near us, making everyone realize that high tide was coming FAST. So we ran to safety (in some stranger woman's apartment), and we watched the waves from the window. There had been an island near the edge of the water, and its trees were all on fire, and then the island capsized. We could hear some guy swimming to safety yell "there's a...that man is dead!" and then we saw a dead body start sinking into the water.

Then we saw this other man with bandages all over his face on an inflatable raft, and he sort of tilted and looked like he was going to drown, but then he looked straight up at us and started swimming to the edge of the water, climbing up this cliff, climbing up buildings and balconies, and all the while staring at us. When he got really close to the stranger's apartment window, we backed away, but he came in through the front door and HELD US ALL HOSTAGE. At some point it came out that the stranger woman was his ex-girlfriend, and he was only mad at her. So I was all "can I go to the bathroom?" and he was like "fine" and on the way, I got my cell phone out of my purse to use in the bathroom. Only every time I called 911, it would ring through to a message system, ring through to some reggae music, or just ring once and then turn off. So I left a quick message and then came back out there.

We were hostages for a while, then the man left to negotiate with the stranger woman, and then while I was looking through her bedroom (which made me think she was an idiot), my cell phone rang as a remix of my 911 message and reggae and I was like JESUS, 911, COULD YOU BE ANY LESS HELPFUL?! Luckily the guy was out. That's all I remember.


So those were my dreams. And this is fruit paunch's sweater weather video - disregard how tremendously fat I look in the first part. Oh won't you please disregard that?!

In other news, I need a haircut. BACK TO YOU, BAD DREAMS.

Monday, October 01, 2007

Remember When Garth Brooks Became Chris Gaines For A While?

and did you know that wikipedia just told me that Chris Gaines, fictional musician, shares his birthday with one madame bitch-face "katherine" turner? What a coincidence!

more things I'm wondering if you knew:
-that the one and 1/2 plays I wrote for this semester's Latenite anthology are both going to be produced? One's about a grandpa teaching his grandson how to get girls (including a highly choreographed number to "For the longest time" by billy joel), and the other is a monologue about a distinguished old man who finally finds the perfect breasts in a pornographic magazine. Trust me, it's funnier than it is disgusting.

-that I looked at those $20 sarah jessica parker clothes today? I got a bright blue sweater. It's electric!

-that my computer froze in the middle of this BUT SOMEHOW MIRACULOUSLY SAVED THE POST?

-that I didn't go to asssscat but instead went to the eiffel tower to watch Labyrinth tonight?

-that I want to have a picnic with you? It would be basic, really. Just red wine, a baguette with butter and sea salt, and a bicycle built for two. Would you like that? Could we plan that?

-that I've been tired all day but (a) when I tried to take a nap and (b) now, I'm unable to actually sleep?



TOO LATE TOO LATE SANTA BABY SLEEP NOW