There Will Be Skunks, Not Roaches

I had a hugely long, apocalyptic dream last night. Here is the dream, in an abbreviated fashion:

Huge, 4-part multiplex mall. I'm there with my brother. Two parts of the mall are closed at all times, but we went into one of the closed parts, which was really open - inside it was a Dillard's or some other completely normal department store. This part of the dream is boring...I'll skip over it (we look at books and a clerk recognizes me but I try to hide from him)

Then I was in a stadium-style theatre (inside the mall?) with my mom (brother turned into mom) and two little frogs jumped up to us (there were few other people in there, and it was still pre-show). I thought the frogs were hilarious and very small and good, but my mom freaked out (while keeping her composure). One frog ended up on her shoulder, and the other one was under her leg. I laughed and was proud of the little frogs for being so funny.

Then we watched some play where this girl stands on a pedestal as five men, standing on the floor, push her around dramatically. This signifies her getting drunk at a party. Then, when the pushing stops, someone hands her three pills, and she twirls around and takes them. She is taking drugs! Before the play ends, something serious happens. In an unclear way, the world has begun to end. [At this point in the dream, I think I'm recalling "Cat's Cradle," that Vonnegut book about Ice-9, so maybe the world is ending because some jackass turned all the world's water into gel...or something.]

So I find myself at home, tortured. I see at least 10 skunks on my lawn, devouring piles of gourds. I think to myself, "funny, I thought there would be more roaches." Mom discovers that her crossword puzzle book has a secret. It is one of those books that can open on either side, and you can read from either side until you hit the middle, where the pages turn upside-down. Like an instructional manual that is english on one half and spanish on the other. So from one side, this crossword puzzle book has puzzles that, when worked correctly, can refresh themselves...which translates into immortality to my mother. If you do a puzzle everyday, you will live forever.

I'm still in the yard, running around frantically, trying to dodge skunks, looking at our mutated azalea bushes. My anguished mind comes up with a thought - if one side of the puzzle book makes you live forever, then the other side must erase your entire existence. So I consider what it would mean for me not to exist at all, and all this thinking takes place as I continue to run frantically around the yard.

Then our back porch moves around to the front of the house and turns into a miniature outdoor cafe. It's the dreariest cafe of all time. A couple eats dinner there-

Then my cell phone rang and I woke up. And now I'm skipping Calculus II so I can write about my dream and then maybe eat a little breakfast. I should read more Vonnegut.