Make Me Frown Then Make Me Laugh
It's time to reiterate the list because YOU'VE BEEN PISSING ME OFF A LOT LATELY.
Pet Peeves! The Asshole 2006 Edition:
a) Party-game Cheaters. This has always been and always will be the most bastard thing a person can do (in my presence)
b) Elevator Button Pushers. If the Lobby button is already lit up, it doesn't have to get pushed again, even if the asshole who just got in the elevator needs to do something with his hands to look less awkward. And the door will close fast enough without said asshole pushing "door close." I pretty much hate anything that happens on an elevator, including elevator hooking up because it never involves me.
c) "Are You On The Way?" Calls. YES, I'M ON THE WAY.
d) Close Walkers & Pace Matchers. I hate close walkers because they make me feel like I'm being a slow-walker, which just isn't true, and if it were true, I'd most definitely be scooted over to one side of the hall/sidewalk so that regular-walkers can pass by me. And what makes close walkers worse is when they match your walking pace so that you can't tell if that's your pants making noise or theirs. And then when you try to vary your pace to get some answers, they find a way to match your pace again, and you're stuck in close-walking psychological hell until they peel off into their suite/city block.
e) When You Really Need Milk And There Isn't Any.
f) Rude on the Phone. If there's anything my internship has taught me (other than Steal! Steal all you can!), it's that there's no reason to be rude on the phone. Nobody is ever in such a frenzied bind that he has to be sassy about repeating his last name or explaining where he's calling from. And if you ever are in such a state that you feel you have to bitch out the poor lady who has to answer the goddamn phones all day, be prepared to be referred to "Fat Bitch Terry from BBDO" for the rest of my internship duration.
g) People Who Make Out In Front Of The Really Nice Fountain At Lincoln Center In Front Of The Opera House. Please don't ruin the only physical manifestation of Moonstruck that I have.
h) Most Models of the Ear Bud. Just because they usually don't fit in my ear and returning them to radioshack is always a pain in the ass.
But now that you know what my pet peeves are, you should also know what makes me happy. That way, you won't think I'm a curmudgeonly baby-bitch. Instead, you might be surprised to find I'm a well-rounded, 21st century type of gal with spot-on self knowledge and outrageous list-making capabilities.
Loves It 2006:
a) When You Really Expect Somebody To Be Rude and then He Is Totally Nice/Polite/At Least Funny. Isn't that a great surprise? Thanks for holding the door for me when I have groceries, shaved-head basketball guy!
b) When You Expect Somebody To Be Nice/Polite/At Least Funny and then He Is! It's great to be right.
c) Impromptu Presents/ Presents For No Reason. Because it means that somebody not only thinks about you when you're not around but also buys you stuff you might like.
d) Couples Who Switch Glasses When They Take Walks Together. One more reason I wish I needed glasses.
e) When Pen Ink Looks Really Nice On Paper. Because it makes me feel like I could be filming my hand writing something on a sheet of paper and it would be so, so pleasing to watch.
f) Yellow Lined Paper.
g) Tiny Little Babies Who Can Walk But Are Still So Small. wearing parkas, preferably.
h) Getting the Mezzanine at 1020. No one else at 1020 deserves that damn mezzanine.
i) Guitar Hero.
j) Big Plans to Take a Rain Walk. Reminds me of when I was very young and very happy.
THERE YOU GO.
So far my Christmas list consists of Guitar Hero II and a cookbook.
Pet Peeves! The Asshole 2006 Edition:
a) Party-game Cheaters. This has always been and always will be the most bastard thing a person can do (in my presence)
b) Elevator Button Pushers. If the Lobby button is already lit up, it doesn't have to get pushed again, even if the asshole who just got in the elevator needs to do something with his hands to look less awkward. And the door will close fast enough without said asshole pushing "door close." I pretty much hate anything that happens on an elevator, including elevator hooking up because it never involves me.
c) "Are You On The Way?" Calls. YES, I'M ON THE WAY.
d) Close Walkers & Pace Matchers. I hate close walkers because they make me feel like I'm being a slow-walker, which just isn't true, and if it were true, I'd most definitely be scooted over to one side of the hall/sidewalk so that regular-walkers can pass by me. And what makes close walkers worse is when they match your walking pace so that you can't tell if that's your pants making noise or theirs. And then when you try to vary your pace to get some answers, they find a way to match your pace again, and you're stuck in close-walking psychological hell until they peel off into their suite/city block.
e) When You Really Need Milk And There Isn't Any.
f) Rude on the Phone. If there's anything my internship has taught me (other than Steal! Steal all you can!), it's that there's no reason to be rude on the phone. Nobody is ever in such a frenzied bind that he has to be sassy about repeating his last name or explaining where he's calling from. And if you ever are in such a state that you feel you have to bitch out the poor lady who has to answer the goddamn phones all day, be prepared to be referred to "Fat Bitch Terry from BBDO" for the rest of my internship duration.
g) People Who Make Out In Front Of The Really Nice Fountain At Lincoln Center In Front Of The Opera House. Please don't ruin the only physical manifestation of Moonstruck that I have.
h) Most Models of the Ear Bud. Just because they usually don't fit in my ear and returning them to radioshack is always a pain in the ass.
But now that you know what my pet peeves are, you should also know what makes me happy. That way, you won't think I'm a curmudgeonly baby-bitch. Instead, you might be surprised to find I'm a well-rounded, 21st century type of gal with spot-on self knowledge and outrageous list-making capabilities.
Loves It 2006:
a) When You Really Expect Somebody To Be Rude and then He Is Totally Nice/Polite/At Least Funny. Isn't that a great surprise? Thanks for holding the door for me when I have groceries, shaved-head basketball guy!
b) When You Expect Somebody To Be Nice/Polite/At Least Funny and then He Is! It's great to be right.
c) Impromptu Presents/ Presents For No Reason. Because it means that somebody not only thinks about you when you're not around but also buys you stuff you might like.
d) Couples Who Switch Glasses When They Take Walks Together. One more reason I wish I needed glasses.
e) When Pen Ink Looks Really Nice On Paper. Because it makes me feel like I could be filming my hand writing something on a sheet of paper and it would be so, so pleasing to watch.
f) Yellow Lined Paper.
g) Tiny Little Babies Who Can Walk But Are Still So Small. wearing parkas, preferably.
h) Getting the Mezzanine at 1020. No one else at 1020 deserves that damn mezzanine.
i) Guitar Hero.
j) Big Plans to Take a Rain Walk. Reminds me of when I was very young and very happy.
THERE YOU GO.
So far my Christmas list consists of Guitar Hero II and a cookbook.
posted by Becky at 4:29 PM
4 Comments:
I thought I would have to read the 2 latest entrys as I read the one yesterday when I was drunk..but no I remembered that darn pancake cake. It sounds good. was it good?
And the thing about thinking people are rude and then they're not is always good...about guys anyway, I think, if a girl I think is bitchy turns out to be nice then I just feel awkward because I've probably already mean-mugged her. And you are a beast at list making.
i have a lot of trouble with people in elevators especially people who are too lazy to use stairs. I just pressed 6 you don't need to press 5. Walk down a floor lazy.
this was my favorite entry of 2006. i love lists.
this was my favorite entry too! particularly well put, rebecca my dear. may your peeves be petted and your pets not be peeved (?).
p.s. for some strange, strange reason there's a tiny icon of the universal handicap symbol right below the 'word verification' field that they make you fill out before posting a comment.... or maybe i drank too much absinthe.
Seriously this blog was freaking great. Brightened my day fo sho. I'll agree with Holls you make one mamoth of a list. I wish I could spell. I did a little imiatation list on my blog. It doesn't compare though :)
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