Oh My God, So I Deserve To Be This Fat?!

Joey And Janice's DAY OF FUN!!
wherein
Janice = Mark
and I guess
Joey = Becky

Mark this day as the craziest motherfather day of the entire effing summer. Mark it!!
First by myself, I:
-overslept my phone therapy
-finished reading The Stranger and, much to my dismay, did not enjoy it as much as I was supposed to
-had a bagel with whitefish salad Oh LORD YES such a delicious breakfast

Then with Mark, I:
-found a lake that's literally five minutes away from my house. Never knew about it. It's Berkeley Lake and I always knew about it as a community, but I never knew there was an actual lake in there. I heard that Berkeley Lake Elementary is where Henry Thomas went to school. Henry Thomas was Elliott in E.T.

-went putt-putting on a pirate ship IMPOSSIBLE golf course

-threw both of our golf balls into the water so that the metal sharks might feed upon them

-went to this mysterious store called "Aldi." Inside were boxes of german generic-brand cereal and markers. And there was shrink-wrapped produce. And also there were no cashiers. We saw a lady steal an entire cart of groceries as we ran screaming from the store.

-ate some ice cream at Coldstone, which was nextdoor to this movie theater (the Reeeg) where some christian film was premiering. All these dressed-up people were going into the theater, so Mark and I had to put on our detective hats and read the movie poster that one of them was holding. It's about Abraham, I think. My forebear.

-saw some flying contraption connected to a parachute. What was the contraption? Well, I thought that it was maybe one of those bicycle flying machines, but Mark thought it was a fart. Agree to disagree.

-Seriously what was that thing?

Then with Katherine, I:
-went to the Super Wal-Mart to pick up a few things

-watched the premieres of "Starved" and "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" on FX

-enjoyed the latter, was mildly appalled by the former

and then when I left Katherine's house I saw a great big spider
and
it was lightning in the clouds ominously.

So I sped home and got on the internet as quickly as possible, so as to attract any and all lightning to my computer, apparently.

Don't worry, I'm ok. Steve Urkel got struck by lightning twice in the same episode.

I heard if you get struck by lightning, your skin looks like a spider web from where all your capillaries exploded. Spider web...spider outside Katherine's house...oh my God it's all coming together