Friday, September 22, 2006

Mostly Mozart

a) today on the way home, my subway had to bypass its stop at 66th because of a POLICE INVESTIGATION!!

b) a play.

HOW I ADORE THEE, YET BUT A SEED IN MY WOMB

WADE puts a sign on BECKY's back while they're at work. The sign reads "Caution! Baby on Board!" BECKY leaves it there because she likes signs on people's backs and fake pregnancy.

WADE: Wow, Becky, you better put those plates down. Gotta watch that heavy lifting!

GLORIA (fifty-something accountant, actually crazy): Why's she gotta watch the heavy lifting? Am I missin' something?

WADE: Look at her back, Gloria.

BECKY turns so GLORIA can read the sign

GLORIA: Caution baby on board. Oh, you're pregnant? (laughs a little)

BECKY: (beams) Yep.

GLORIA: (laughing a little less) Really? You're pregnant? (maintains frozen smile throughout)

BECKY: Yep! (pats stomach lightly)

GLORIA: Well, when's the baby due?

BECKY: August.

GLORIA: Wow, really? Oh, you got a long way to go. Do you know if it's a boy or a girl? (still mildly bewildered)

BECKY: Nah, too early to tell.

GLORIA: Do you want to know? The sex of the baby?

BECKY: I kind of want to wait. Is that old-fashioned of me?

GLORIA: No, I hear lots of people these days wait. Haven't you seen the sonogram?

BECKY: A little.

GLORIA: Oh. How does your mother feel about all this?

BECKY: My mother? She's so happy! She's really ecstatic.

GLORIA: Yeah, I guess that's when having a mother comes in handy. You just drop the kids off with her and then she gives 'em back when she's sick of them!

BECKY: Yeah.

GLORIA: So when did you find out-

PETER (accountant assistant): She's not really pregnant, Gloria.

GLORIA: Oh. Well how was I supposed to know?

fin



c) that really happened. Pretty much word-for-word. The order is a little wrong, but everything in there happened today.

d) It smells a little like updoc in here.

e) What's up doc?

f) NOT MUCH, WHAT'S UP WITH YOU?

g) busted!!

3 Comments:

Blogger kat said...

they're always named gloria.

1:08 AM  
Blogger Mary "trash biscuit" Stephenson said...

hahaha how WAS she supposed to know?
Speaking of Gloria I'm picturing Gloria Estefan, but not the real one. Really Jenifer Lopez playing her in a moive...kinda like Selena but Gloria Estefan...close?

12:36 PM  
Blogger Dollar Boner said...

i totally posted a comment like 2 days ago. i thought this post was awesome. that is hilarious. i wanted to say something like that, but more enthusiastically because I had just read this for the first time. thanks alot, blogger. AAAAH. haha

10:43 PM  

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