Non Ti Devi Vergognare

a) Turkey
b) Stuffing
c) Pumpkin soup
d) Green bean casserole
e) Asparagus
f) Sweet potatoes stuffed in oranges
g) Salad with pomegranate seeds in it

I made items (d) and (f). They were, of course, delicious. My brother made items (g), (b), and (e). My preferences included (c), (f), (a), and (b). I felt item (d)'s recipe called for too much sour cream. Item (e) oddly had no effect on the way my pee smelled after dinner. I fell into a coma at the table after eating items (d), (b), (g), (f), (a), (e), and (c).

My dog smells bad and I think it might be because he maybe has IBS. Well, you know what they say - after a while, the owner and the pet start to look alike! Hah! Oh man I am terrible. Terrible! Jonathan, why do you even let me leave the house?! Honestly! I am a mess and a half! Honey, if you're getting up, could you bring me back another flute of champagne?

RIGHT NOW I AM:
going to the marta station, which will take me to the airport, which will take me to a plane, which will take me to LaGuardia, which will take me to the cab line, which will take me to a cab, which will take me to Columbia, which is where I shall retire, perhaps after a nightcap.