Please, Oprah, I Beg You - Don't Teach Me To Release My Inner Sexpot

Events of Monday!
10-4: Barnes & Noble Cafe...coffee coffee coffee (to be said aloud quickly and fiendishly)
4-11: Something...? What did I do yesterday? Oh yeah I tried to go to the YMCA but - on account of Memorial Day - it was CLOSED. So I drove around for an hour.
11: Passed out, which makes this the earliest I've fallen asleep (excepting Saturday) in about 10 months.

Events of Today!
9: Wake up confused...9 am is early; why am I not more sleepy? Oh yeah, because I've just had 10 hours of sleep.
9-11: Read in bed.
11-1:30: Read on couch downstairs. Segment interrupted by creation of the perfect omelette. Seriously guys, it was perfect. I have no idea how I did it, but I plan on doing it again because IT WAS PERFECT.
2-3: YMCA
3-4: Shower/ Watch Bill Murray interview on some NBC show with some lady named Jane? What's this business? Bill Murray was amazing, but the crowd was obnoxiously fake and loud. They laughed after everything he said and did. It made me so sad.
4: Oprah, why why why do you want to teach me to stripper-walk in 5 easy steps? This is why I don't watch you. I always miss the interesting coked-up-possibly-gay-Tom-Cruise ones, and I always land right on the help-me-find-the-right-bra-size episodes.

I'm going to work soon. It's my brother's birthday.
HAPPY 23, MATT!

But I refer to him as Matthew.

Oprah is sporting leather pants today,

And I am not.