Married And You'll Be Gone
Passover in Lake Success:
a short holiday one-act
Becky, Grandma Bobbie, and small cousins Michael and Jack park in front of Uncle Buzzy's house. Boys gallop up the sidewalk. One of them trips and gets back up
Everyone inside: uncles, cousins, great-aunts, regular aunts, in-laws everywhere. All are centered around a large platter of chopped liver. My 15-year-old second cousin Brian is trying out his stand-up for anyone who goes near the chopped liver.
Brian: loudly Call me crazy, but I don't think I should be digesting something that's used to clear out stuff you're not supposed to digest!
Becky: approaches chopped liver, gets some, almost puts it in her mouth-
Brian: Call me CRAZY, but I'm not wanting to eat stuff that helps you not digest stuff!
Becky: stops the chopped liver express Mmmm I love me some chopped liver. Eats chopped liver
Matt approaches
Brian: I might be crazy, but I wouldn't eat something that's used for you to not digest certain things. It produces BILE, people!
Matt shrugs
Me: The gallbladder produces bile.
Brian: BILE, people! BILE! waits for a laugh, apparently hears one, continues on. So in my spanish text book, I noticed all our chapters were about gas stations, grocery stores, and car washes...I realize, 'hey! this book was made by some pretty accurate racists!' still very very loud
Me: gets some more chopped liver I gotta go.
Time passes...everyone sits down at the table
Little Girl Cousin: Where's my haggadah?!
Uncle Buzzy: Ok. Everyone turn to page six. reading Each year, we celebrate the holiday of Pesach-"
Little Girl Cousin: MOMMY! Where is it?
Uncle Buzzy: ... "the holiday of Pesach to remember what G_D did for us in-"
LGC's Mommy: I don't know, sweetie! Listen to Grandpa Buzzy.
Uncle Buzzy: ..."in Egypt." Ok everyone turn to page 40. Look! It's time for the dayenu!
All Little Kids: Puzzled expressions
All: singing Day-dayenu, day-dayenu, day-dayenu, dayenu dayenu dayenu!
Half: Ilu hotzi hotzianu, hotzianu miMitzrayim, miMitzrayim hotzianu dayenu...
Song has awkwardly trailed off
Another Cousin: AAAAIIIIII! screaming for no apparent reason
Uncle Buzzy: Matt, please read the next section.
Matt: reading "The first son is the cha-CHAM-"
Everyone: not in unison CHA-cham!
Matt: Don't question me. "Now the wise son asked" blah blah blah
Uncle Buzzy: Next section- Betsey
Little Girl Cousin: MOMMY sudden switch to equally loud stage whisper Mommy where's my napkin?! I think it fell down!
Me: Becky?
..."The third son, the 'tam,' is simple and should be answered delicately..." Becky reads entire passage beautifully, hebrew pouring forth from her lips like some sort of milken honey
Uncle Buzzy: Oh look we're done with the seder.
Everyone cheers!
Meal proceeds in exactly the same manner as the seder. Kids shouting, women sharing revelations they've had regarding hot water with lemon, grandparents sitting back and watching the kids, me sitting back and watching the kids, Matt punctuating Brian's comedy bit with forced grunts of laughter.
OH, PESACH!
fin
A lot of people weren't there, so I'd classify it as an off-year holiday. Just like Christmas this year. Holiday-wise, this has been a throwaway year - and that's a shame because people need their holidays. Especially me. I can't go two years without a decent Passover! I can't pretend to be okay with Christmas 2004 being sub-par! What's going on? What makes this year different from all other years?!
At least now I've got a paper to write, two 1/2 books to read, and an Italian oral to prepare for
Before Tomorrow.
So I've got that going for me
which is nice.
a short holiday one-act
Becky, Grandma Bobbie, and small cousins Michael and Jack park in front of Uncle Buzzy's house. Boys gallop up the sidewalk. One of them trips and gets back up
Everyone inside: uncles, cousins, great-aunts, regular aunts, in-laws everywhere. All are centered around a large platter of chopped liver. My 15-year-old second cousin Brian is trying out his stand-up for anyone who goes near the chopped liver.
Brian: loudly Call me crazy, but I don't think I should be digesting something that's used to clear out stuff you're not supposed to digest!
Becky: approaches chopped liver, gets some, almost puts it in her mouth-
Brian: Call me CRAZY, but I'm not wanting to eat stuff that helps you not digest stuff!
Becky: stops the chopped liver express Mmmm I love me some chopped liver. Eats chopped liver
Matt approaches
Brian: I might be crazy, but I wouldn't eat something that's used for you to not digest certain things. It produces BILE, people!
Matt shrugs
Me: The gallbladder produces bile.
Brian: BILE, people! BILE! waits for a laugh, apparently hears one, continues on. So in my spanish text book, I noticed all our chapters were about gas stations, grocery stores, and car washes...I realize, 'hey! this book was made by some pretty accurate racists!' still very very loud
Me: gets some more chopped liver I gotta go.
Time passes...everyone sits down at the table
Little Girl Cousin: Where's my haggadah?!
Uncle Buzzy: Ok. Everyone turn to page six. reading Each year, we celebrate the holiday of Pesach-"
Little Girl Cousin: MOMMY! Where is it?
Uncle Buzzy: ... "the holiday of Pesach to remember what G_D did for us in-"
LGC's Mommy: I don't know, sweetie! Listen to Grandpa Buzzy.
Uncle Buzzy: ..."in Egypt." Ok everyone turn to page 40. Look! It's time for the dayenu!
All Little Kids: Puzzled expressions
All: singing Day-dayenu, day-dayenu, day-dayenu, dayenu dayenu dayenu!
Half: Ilu hotzi hotzianu, hotzianu miMitzrayim, miMitzrayim hotzianu dayenu...
Song has awkwardly trailed off
Another Cousin: AAAAIIIIII! screaming for no apparent reason
Uncle Buzzy: Matt, please read the next section.
Matt: reading "The first son is the cha-CHAM-"
Everyone: not in unison CHA-cham!
Matt: Don't question me. "Now the wise son asked" blah blah blah
Uncle Buzzy: Next section- Betsey
Little Girl Cousin: MOMMY sudden switch to equally loud stage whisper Mommy where's my napkin?! I think it fell down!
Me: Becky?
..."The third son, the 'tam,' is simple and should be answered delicately..." Becky reads entire passage beautifully, hebrew pouring forth from her lips like some sort of milken honey
Uncle Buzzy: Oh look we're done with the seder.
Everyone cheers!
Meal proceeds in exactly the same manner as the seder. Kids shouting, women sharing revelations they've had regarding hot water with lemon, grandparents sitting back and watching the kids, me sitting back and watching the kids, Matt punctuating Brian's comedy bit with forced grunts of laughter.
OH, PESACH!
fin
A lot of people weren't there, so I'd classify it as an off-year holiday. Just like Christmas this year. Holiday-wise, this has been a throwaway year - and that's a shame because people need their holidays. Especially me. I can't go two years without a decent Passover! I can't pretend to be okay with Christmas 2004 being sub-par! What's going on? What makes this year different from all other years?!
At least now I've got a paper to write, two 1/2 books to read, and an Italian oral to prepare for
Before Tomorrow.
So I've got that going for me
which is nice.
posted by Becky at 1:06 PM
1 Comments:
would you like to ford the river or ferry across?
you have died of dysentery
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