Monday, August 20, 2007

Maybe Sometimes Raven Uses A Body Double

Because really, this is the thinnest she's ever looked. It seems Raven and her friends have gotten themselves into trouble at a nerd convention! See, Raven's crush is there, and it turns out her best friend looks like a nerd princess, and then for some reason Raven's wearing a face-covering helmet and they're flying her all around and she looks totally thin. No wait!! She just took off her helmet and it's her!


One time I saw Raven at a J.R.s in Duluth, GA. Whatever happened to the psychic aspect of this show? Maybe Raven and Corbin Bleu will get married and have a baby! And the baby will be half-psychic, half-gay!

That's all the That's So Raven fodder I have. Sorry, but here's where the deluge runs dry. Luckily, I've got one million things to say about all this America's Next Top Model I'm seeing everywhere.

ANTM, A Collection of Thoughts:
a) that Tyra sure does have a lot to teach
b) pictures of models are great to look at because they're a lot prettier than regular people
c) you know that episode in every single season where they take acting classes and learn to cry? I will never, ever take one of those classes. Yet at the same time, if I just had to do it once and then I could cry on cue for the rest of my life, maybe I'd reconsider.
d) I wish Miss J would change my entire look

I bought that Built By Wendy pattern, by the way. Closure, you're welcome.

Things I'm Doing To Fill My Days Lately:
1) knitting a scarf made of highlighter colors and the plainest of gray yarn
2) watching That's So Raven and America's Next Top Model
3) drinking coffee
4) finally hemming several pairs of pants because I have a sewing machine down here
5) cooking souffles
6) watching Martha Stewart
7) working a spindle
8) pricking my finger
9) sleeping for one hundred years
10) having the same dream over and over, which is a replay of the time I met Michael Cera, only he's just killed a raptor that was attacking me. And "Tea for the Tillerman" is playing loudly over and over again.
11) adding ruffles to every apron we have (which is a hefty 14 aprons!)
12) boiling water
13) refrigerating it
14) totally drinking it
15) genuinely worrying about how much Kirstie Alley's weight loss has slowed down
16) creating and producing my own children's crafts show
17) petitioning the OED to get "crafts" to be spelled as "craghts"
18) building furniture from scratch
19) designing the transatlantic tube that will run maglev trains from new york to london in only 45 minutes
20) making a lovely compote
21) watching those commercials about the really technologically advanced pregnancy test that are like "it's the most advanced test you'll know...pee on" BOO GROSS
22) educating myself on what Devendra Barnhart, luna, and the Concretes actually look like in real life so that when I go to the party for my music video, I'll be able to recognize them and tell them I like them.

-end of list-

we're going to have drums in my suite next year! I'm going to play them quietly at first, because I can't imagine that anyone would want to hear loud beginner drumming. But once I get awesome, I'll play full volume.

Everything's coming up Mary Engelbreit!

Saturday, August 18, 2007

The Happy Birthday Elvis And Madonna From Two Days Ago Edition

a song for you guys, the musical innovators of multiple generations!

Sorry I forgot your guys' birthday two days 'ere.
You know you guys are cool with all your clothes and period hair.
Right now somehow I'm watching The Avengers on tv,
but you know I wish I had a gun to shoot the set for thee.

Happy birthday two days late
hope you're eating chocolate cake!

Well it seems The Avengers is still totally retarded.
Did you know I still have yet to see The Departed?



And that's the song. YOU'RE WELCOME!!

I'm going to see about buying patterns for Built by Wendy clothes - wish me luck PLEASE. Here's what I'm talking about:

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Catwoman Goes To Cirque Du Soleil Just Like You And Me

and trust me because I know because I've been watching Catwoman on AMC for over an hour now. So trust me already!

Becklectic is back from hiatus!
(toilet flush noise)

Care for a sneak preview of the weeks to come? Okay, if you insist.
a) super wishlist for my 22nd birthday
b) great one-liners that have to do exclusively with racial differences
c) a recipe or two
d) constant reports from the new household, "Becky's Boys," alias "Hotel." I'll have to walk up six different flights of stairs just to get to my room!
e) dreams I remember
f) heinously accurate poop bookkeeping
g) bloopers!!!
h) words in different languages that you can learn just by reading this (you're welcome!)

Benjamin Bratt: (near a fish tank) Pretty.
Catwoman: Thanks.
Benjamin Bratt: Oh, you too, but I was talking about the fish.
THIS IS A REAL LINE THEY JUST SAID IN THIS MOVIE WHICH APPARENTLY HAS TRISOMY 21 BECAUSE WHAT HAVE I BEEN WATCHING FOR THE PAST HOUR? Besides the Law & Order that has to do with Anna Nicole Smith's son (starring a very, very serious David Cross) and of course, My Boys on TBS during commercials.

God do I wish I were watching Working Girl right now. They just came home from a date kissing and everything, but it was so much lamer than when they did that in Working Girl. Man, Working Girl would probably be an awesome present for my birthday (just one shopping month left).

I babysat this morning from 7am to noon.

I think I'm going to rewrite the script to Catwoman. Starting now!

CATWOMAN (as reimagined by the mind of Becky Abrams)

Mia, a meek yet quietly beautiful woman, shuffles papers hesitantly at a desk. Helen, her overweight coworker, peeks at her from over the cubicle wall.

HELEN: Pssst Mia. (no response) Mia!

MIA: Are you saying "Meow" or "Mia?"

HELEN: Why would I be saying "meow?"

MIA:...I don't know...

(at a pet shop)

CLERK: Ahh, I see you're looking at our newest cat toys. Can I show you the catnip?

MIA: Okayyyyyyyy ay ay ay this is so great! Mmmmmmmmm I sure love catnip!! Whoaaoaoaoaoa I'm freaking out over this catnip!!

CLERK: But I thought only cats go crazy for catnip.

MIA:...I don't know...

(in a room with a dog)

Mia and the dog look at each other contemptuously.


HELEN: And all this time, you were...?

MIA: That's right, I was a cat. And I was a woman.

HELEN: And now you're dead.

MIA:...I don't live...


Go ahead and take it, Miramax. FEEL FREE.

Welcome Backlectic!

PS this commercial with three little elementary school boys doing the robot? YES YESSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Tiny Exceptions!

right so I'm still SERIOUSLY on hiatus but there is news to be brought to your attention:

Let today be known now and forevermore as the day this lady met Michael Cera and Jonah Hill. THAT THE WORLD MAY KNOW!!

this internship finally paid off-
and we're back on hiatus

Thursday, August 02, 2007

501 Means Having To Go On Hiatus

Hey Guys!

I've decided to go on official hiatus until this blog can get fucking interesting again. Expect more awesome stuff in a few weeks.

Until then, feel free to read such winners as: the TV!

see you soon!