Saturday, January 27, 2007

Buy My East Asian Civ Books, Please

I didn't get to see this.

I unfortunately did see the first thirty minutes of this before leaving the room.

I am drinking yogi tea to calm my throat.

I am not drinking this baby animal because it really wouldn't help my throat.

I have to read The Rise of Silas Lapham.

I still sincerely dislike the first thirty minutes of this.


Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Until The Night Gets A Little Less Lame

Gentle readership,

sorry I haven't written in so long. I found out about a week and a half ago that my aunt reads this, and that made me kind of uncomfortable, since this is mostly just supposed to be for my friends and/or people I don't know. I'm not sure how she found it, and now I'm worried about things I've written. So, in order to refresh my family image, I'll follow the advice of a local genius and offer a list:

a public list of things I don't do and reasons I won't be going to hell:
a. use profanity
b. drink alcohol
c. have sex
d. do drugs
e. hang out with bad people

So while I try to figure out how to deal with everything, I'll leave you with my new lease on life: new and used from 71ยข!

doctors Claude and Margarita Himblestory

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

I Didn't Realize This Song Had No Words

Check it out!

everybody (including me) does that, so I started thinking the wrong thing, so everybody check it out and spread it around awhile. Or for a while.


Saturday, January 06, 2007

What A Month!

this January is A-Play-A-Day month. So far their topics are:
Jan 1st) a 1960s new year's eve party with mistaken identities and extra-marital affairs
Jan 2nd) a family whose adult daughter either has an imaginary fiance or whose adult son's wife is cheating on him (pick your own ending!)
Jan 3rd) me vs. firefox
Jan 4th) a mother explains The Rules to her daughter, then gets fiery with anger directed at all the young men in her past
Jan 5th) a three-line play whose two characters are at an impasse
Jan 6th) an America's Next Top Model finale parody that isn't funny at all, but I couldn't help it because I kept watching the mega marathon on vh1 this week and it's not my fault that my muse happens to be the vh1 channel. THAT'S NOT MY FAULT.

I'll keep updating the list as the month goes on.

PS I forgot to predict important days in the year. I'll go with:
February 4th
April 17th
May 25th
June 1st
August 20th
September 13th
November 30th
December 10th

that's eight days out of three hundred sixty-five. So they better be pretty effing notable.

watching down with love with my mother = WHY ARE THERE SO MANY FELLATIO JOKES IN THIS STUPID MOVIE

Friday, January 05, 2007

They Brought A Bison To Visit Conan!!

There's a bison onstage! WHAT'S GOING ON? At first I was like, "whoa a buffalo! How'd they get those to come back to life? Oh yeah, it's conan, duh."
Now he's just really worried about all the animals. It's like when Tracy Jordan was a stabbing robot, only not-pretend.

Items Purchased At The North Georgia Outlet Malls Today With One Miss Bitch-Face Turnbladt:
-one really great green washcloth from Pottery Barn
-one pair of adidums that are white and blue and are kind of like Team Zissou shoes
-one copy of Annie Proulx's classic short story, "Brokeback Mountain"
-one blouse
-one plaid jumper with a black turtleneck stitched into it

Items Purchased At Target On My Way Home:
-two headbands that look like pine and mahogany
-four miniDV cassettes (purpose of stop)
-red lip gloss
-one mascara with those pink plastic bristles that are supposed to work better than the regular kind of bristles
-a wedding workout dvd (brides are always pretty in shape, right? right?)
-a brand new purse!

Items That Are So, So Small:
-I love you!

I keep hearing noises outside the house. It's too late at night for this kind of bullshit to be going on. Also, I keep seeing things fly by out of the corner of my eye, but that's something that's been happening for a few days, not just right now, when it's too late at night for bullshit like this. And I think stationary objects are actually deer or small animals. Maybe I going a little crazy? No. Maybe, though.

I just spent two hours collecting video footage, outputting it into my camcorder, and inputting that into a regular tape.

The nervous guy from "Psych" is one of People's sexiest men alive?

Sorry, nervous guy from "Psych." Diff'rent strokes, I guess.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

True Or False

true or false? answer as thoroughly as possible.

1) I smoked all the yay.
2) I kind of liked that Paris Hilton song.
3) I got picked to be on next season's America's Next Top Model!
4) I watched vh1's mega marathon of America's Next Top Model all day today!
5) I know a guy who's going to be on Beauty and the Geek (premiering on the CW tomorrow night at 8/7 central).
6) I went to an atlanta bar for the first time tonight.
7) I think you're a pretty big jerk.
8) I would never knowingly do something to make you go blind.
9) I am legally blind.
10) You are legally blind.

answers to come!

America's Next Top Model is okay, but not fantastic. I wish they didn't always have a really pale, blonde-pixie-hair teenager every season. I'd be a miserable model. My mouth is too small to smile, and it curves down when I try to do anything that's not smiling. There's a commercial on whose music sounds like the beginning of "Just like honey," but then it turns out to be a weird cover of "we belong." What's THAT about?

1) false
2) true
3) false
4) true
5) true
6) true
7) false
8) true
9) false
10) depends, but I'll go with probably false


Tuesday, January 02, 2007

And Also!

the "Twins Expo" episode of Full House is on! YOU GUYS!

A Gidget For The Twenty-First Century

Dear 2007,

we're watching Gidget and wearing a parka inside because it's a chilly 38 degrees here in georgia. I'd like you to know that although Gidget isn't king-sized, her finger is ring-sized. 2007, have you noticed that most of what Gidget does is look wide-eyed at Moondoggy and say "yes?" whenever he pauses? That's maybe a tip we should pick up.

2007, you've made me a lot less sick than 2006 did at this point. Last year it was all "I want to throw up but can't wah wah" and "my toe has a dot on it!" What a baby. This year, we're all like "I may love watching Gidget, but there's a good chance I've got a tattoo and curse like a new york teenager" and "all these freedom writers trailers can kiss my black ass."

Let's watch even MORE tv this year, 2007. Does that sound like a plan? I need you to know that I've never thrown up milk. What I'm trying to say is that I've never gotten into like, a milk-drinking contest that ended with me throwing up all this milk everywhere. 2007, we're going to do a lot of tap dancing this year. Also, we'll get more sleep.

omg 2007 you have a crush on David Duchovny? I can't say I blame you.

I'm very pleased with your performance so far. We accidentally saw the sun rise through mary's living room window this morning, then we fished a beer can out of her pool with one of those pole-net things, then we ate a chicken sandwich on our way home, then we wrote a play whose ending is one big poopy (not literally) (oddly), then we saw Dreamgirls, ate at Chili's, and got coffee with Briana. 2007, you're a fun guy.

Who needs a rhyme to learn how to tie shoelaces? Not us, that's for sure. Your pet name will be Pants. You think that the hugo boss model named Lars has the most cut cheekbones you've ever seen? Well no offense, Pants, but you're only 1 days old. Though I do agree completely about the hugo boss thing you just said.

best of luck in all your future endeavors,