Wednesday, June 29, 2005







I'm Just Gonna Throw This Out There

The first half of "I've Seen All Good People" by Yes is infinitely better than the second half. Yet I always end up listening to both halves because you and I both know that I'm waaaaay too lazy to turn the song off halfway. It's awful, being this lazy. I can hardly muster up the strength to be able to stand it.

You're Nutters! That's what I'd say if I were british.

But I'm not british - I'm Georgian. So that means I say things like "you're a jerk" or "georgia is the country's go-to state for peanuts or peaches" or "I can guarantee we have a better state song than you."

That's what it means.

1) Uncooked celery
2) I will not knowingly eat cilantro
3) pickled hogs feet
4) beets
5) sweet, sweet chocolate (NOT) (fooled you)
6) Why is there a white van going slowly up and down my street? Why are these stupid mysterious vans always white? Why did it just speed off? I don't need this. I don't need this!
7) most tea

1) whitefish salad
2) toasted bagel
3) orange juice
Is it breakfast time? Yes, yes it is. Oh it is indeed
time for breakfast.

And isn't it extraordinarily lucky that these foods are breakfast foods? I love them and here I am, given an opportunity to enjoy them.

Ready or not, HERE COMES MOMMA.

Monday, June 27, 2005

The Ballad of Ashby and Michael Moore, Or The Wait Is Over

One fine morning,
a dapper young lad
searched through Michigan
for fun to be had.

He walked around some,
-you know- effort was shown,
then he gave himself a break
and walked into Coldstone.

"I'll just eat some ice cream,
then get back to looking.
I'll probs find some hotties
who are so hot they're cooking."

But Ashby crapped his pants
when he entered the store;
The guy at the counter was
(who else?) ...Michael Moore!

So he marched up to this fatty,
all covered in fat -
interrupted his inhalation
of ice cream straight out of the vat

And Ashby said, "Hey Guy,
shake my hand NOW!"
So Moore shook his hand
and was fat as a cow.

Then Becky paused,
thinking "fat jokes aren't funny.
I shall stop before Moore finds me
and tries to dip me in honey [to eat me]."

So the point of the tale,
(a fable it's not)
is Ashby met Michael Moore;
his "cool" can't be bought.
Even though he was already cool before he met Michael Moore in Michigan.


Hey guys guess what

There were two songs I had stuck in my head during work today.

And, of course, I'm going to write them down


1) "Castle on a Cloud" from Les Mis?
2) "Somebody's Getting Married" from The Muppets Take Manhattan

That's cool, whatever. Nobody laughs or talks too loud, not in my castle on a clouuuuuud.

Anybody know what "steakums" are? They PLAGUE me.

Here are the lyrics to "Somebody's Getting Married":

Extra! Extra! Somebody's getting married!
Bear 2:
Somebody's getting married? HEY, somebody's getting married!
Bear 3:
Whoa, somebody's getting married!
Somebody's getting married???
Lew Zealand:
Somebody's getting marrrrieeeed!
Somebody's getting married! Somebody's getting married! Somebody's getting
somebody's getting somebody's getting somebody somebody somebody
somebody...! [etc.]
Kermit, Gonzo, Fozzie, Scooter:
Somebody get some flowers!
Somebody get a ring!
Somebody get a chapel and a choir to sing!
Somebody get an organ to play!
Singing Tuxedos:
'Cause somebody's getting married today!
[a bit of the 'end of ceremony' music played]

Miss Piggy, Janice, Camilla:
Somebody get a preacher!
Somebody bake a cake!
Somebody get some shoes and rice and presents to take!
Miss Piggy:
Somebody get a sweet negilee!
Singing Veils:
'Cause somebody's getting married today!

Swedish Chef:
Weddink! Weddink! Pig and froggie weddink!
Somebody get champagne!
Somebody rent a room!
Somebody get the lovely bride!
And somebody get the-
Somebody get the-
[Kermit stumbles o.s here, obviously nervous, the rhyming word being
"groom" of course...]
Somebody somebody somebody somebody somebody--!
Female Voices:
Somebody get this wedding underway!
Swedish Chef:
Cus sue-one gettink marrink today!
[Musical bridge]
Bear Family:
Somebody getting!
[In Church]

Are they here yet, are they here yet, did I miss it, am I late?
No, they'll be here any minute!
Cookie Monster:
Oh boy, me can hardly wait.

Isn't this exciting--it's the wedding of the year!
Sam The Eagle:
Well, can't we start without them?
Muppet News Anchorman:
No, you can't until they're here.
Sam: Hmm.

Chorus of Penguins:
They're fin-all-y getting ma-rrr-ied now!
[Musical bridge, sounds of wedding bells]

Miss Piggy:
He'll make me happy
Each time I see him
He'll be the reason
My heart can sing
He'll stand beside me
And I'll have everything.
She'll make me happy
Each time I hold her
And I will follow
where my heart may lead
And she'll be all I'll ever need

Days go passing into years
Old Ladies:
Years go passing day by day.

Audience (audibly sobbing):
She'll make him happy
Now and forever
Until forever
their love will grow
She only knows
he'll make her happy
That's all she needs to know.
They'll be so happy
Now and forever
Until forever
their love will grow-

Miss Piggy:
I only know
He'll make me happy
That's all I

Fozzie: (whispering): Hey, Gonzo, I thought you were going to play the
Gonzo: (enthralled): Shhhh!
Do you, Piggy, take this frog to be your lawful wedded husband--do you?
Miss Piggy:
I do...
Do you Froggie take this Pig to be your lawful wedded wife until you die?
Well, I? Well....I...?
Do you?
(gulp). I do...
Then because you share a love so big
I now pronounce you frog and pig.
[The Kiss.]

Celebration, cheering from all the Muppets. Penguins evidently are tossed
or throw themselves across the aisle.

What better way could anything end?
Hand in hand with a friend.


Saturday, June 25, 2005

Natalie, The Fats of Life (Not A Typo)

Guess what, ladies and gents: NATALIE WAS A FATTY. Everyone hated her. She wasn't funny and she'd sooner turn into a giant tub of cottage cheese than be the first Fats of Life girl to lose her V-card. Wait, she probably would turn into cottage cheese. This isn't working anymore, Natalie. We want out.

It's not me, it's you.


(Are you guessing?)

Every time I go to work these days (which is a skimpy thrice-weekly), I end up having to close the stupid Barnes & Noble cafe. And it's not as glamorous or charming as you think (why do you think that it's charming, anyway? How bourgeois)

My tasks include but are not limited to:
a) take out all the leaking, wet trash
b) sweep forty pounds of hair, cookie crumbs, and ecstasy tablets off the floor
c) stack infinity chairs on respective infinity tables
d) push thousand-pound mop and accompanying swamp water all over freshly-swept floor
e) die inside a little
f) I don't know...lots of other tasks. Maybe someday you can stand on the sidewalk and look in the windows when we're closing, and FINALLY you can see all that I do during Close. I'll set it up for you if you want.

We'll work it out.

Chutnie - the grosso, ugly, prepubescent girl that Briana and I made up during a 7-hour-long busride through the mountains of Honduras - has done the impossible...

And she's one of the cashiers at B&N. I'll gladly show her to you for free.

She has the same ugly rat-tail ponytail and no eyelashes and everything.
Chutnie's last name is Butterkin-Cake...her parents are active members of the Atlanta Athletic Club. Her mother is a Nutritionist and her father is a Trainer in the Olympic Games. How did Chutnie turn out so fat, then? Simple. Parental neglect.

Reasonable Parental Neglect

So she's their daughter - would you want to talk to an illiterate girl who eats everything brown in sight because she thinks it's chocolate?
Nellie's in good shape, though. She's Chutnie's little sister, and she looks like Dakota Fanning. Families are so funny sometimes.

PS I promise, the NEXT entry will be called "The Ballad of Ashby and Michael Moore"

Thursday, June 23, 2005

What You Really Want

No, not the DJ FuckinShitUpAndShit hit single...

you want my


Here we go!:
1) "Late in the Evening" by Mr. Paul Simon. Yeah, yeah I downloaded it. And I meant it. So deal with it.
2) "Band on the Run" by Sir Paul McCartney and Wings. Last summer there was this weird thing about me and my radio...whenever I turned it on, either this or "Midnight Train to Georgia" would be on. So that's weird.
3) "Love the One You're With" by CSNY. Everybody knows this song is cool. Everybody.
4) "I Know What You're Doing" by Dionne Farris. Acquisition of this song has been in my planner for WEEKS now.
5) "He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother" by the Hollies. I AM CONSTANTLY SURPRISED AT THE SONGS I DON'T ALREADY HAVE. First "Afternoon Delight," now this?! Sheesh!
6) "Strong Enough to Be My Man" by Sheryl Crow. This is the only Sheryl Crow song I have.
7) "In My White Tee" by Crime Mob. I have no idea.
8) "Sunny Afternoon" by the Kinks. Everybody likes this song but doesn't know about it. Everybody.
9) "Say You'll Be There" by the Spice Girls. Duh.
10) "Love Grows [Where My Rosemary Grows]" by Edison Lighthouse. So maybe I'm the only person who'd put forth effort to have this song. I don't care. I like it. Do you have something to say about it? Do you want to fight? I'll fight you.

That got out of hand.

I'll admit that.

Two days ago, I had a cherry-dipped cone from Dairy Queen for the first time, and it confused me so much. Wax? Means of dipping the cone? How does this cone even exist?! YET IT DOES!

Yesterday, I was driving around when I saw this big truck that said IKEA on it...and in the truck part of the truck was A SEE-THROUGH HOUSE WITH LIVE MANNEQUINS IN IT! THEY WERE SITTING IN THEIR PAJAMAS AND LOUNGING ON ALL THIS IKEA FURNITURE! I started screaming and couldn't stop until I hit my driveway. LIVE MANNEQUINS! DRIVING AROUND! SEE-THROUGH HOUSE ON A TRUCK! IKEA!

PS Next entry: The Ballad of Ashby and Michael Moore


Wednesday, June 22, 2005

What's It All About, AirTran?

Give me my seventh freaking flight free, ok?! I need to check up on that tally...AirTran isn't cheating me out of anything I have coming my way.

Coming my way?

Like some sort of airplane in the sky? Like a plane going to LaGuardia in August? Yeah, like that!

Stupid bug man came to spray at 8:30 this morn,
-don't worry guys-
I moved to the couch downstairs
and slept an extra hour and a half.

that's the newest first-place poem on I wrote it. Jealous much?

It's called "Je, FĂȘte"
which is French.

What is my life without your love? Who am I without you by my side? George Harrison said that. I'm pretty glad he said that. Once George Harrison was attacked by a man named Michael Abrams, which was my father's name. The Georgia Abramses adore George Harrison, though - we'd never attack such a man.


Sunday, June 19, 2005

Why Don't You Write Me? I'm Out In The Jungle.

Why did I start a post when there's nothing I have to say?

I've wanted to throw up all day,
so to fix that,
I've been eating all day.

1) small pita filled with aforementioned tuna salad, 2
2) Strawberries with chocolate Dairy Queen Blizzard, 1
3) Pork Chop, 1/2
4) Salad, 1
5) piece of chocolate pecan pie, 1
6) drinkable yogurt, 1
7) forkful of tuna salad straight out of container, ~1000
8) I'm sure there was a ton of other crap that I ate, but why can't I remember it? Oh yeah, because my fatty brain is in a food coma. That's why...zzzzzzzzzzz

And I seem to be suffering from heat flashes

or maybe that's from my laptop on my lap. It's so hot!


Saturday, June 18, 2005

How Is It Possible For Three Men And A Little Lady To Last THIS Long?

SERIOUSLY, I woke up and it was on,
then I drove to Barnes & Noble to get my paycheck,
then I drove back home and it was on,
then I made an egg and it was on,
then I made some tuna salad for later and IT WAS ON,
now I've been checking my email for like thirty minutes AND. IT. IS. STILL. ON.

What is this, Lawrence of Three Men And A Little Ladia?

ha-ha yeah, I agree, that IS a good one. Nice work, Abrams!

Further Thoughts on Three Men And A Little Lady:
1) I think it's like Katherine's or Katherine's mom's favorite movie...something like that?
2) I saw Nancy Travis at the airport once.
3) I'm usually prett- OH WAIT THE BAD GUY JUST DID A "clap...clap....clap....oh braaaavvvvo" -y oblivious to mildly bad acting, but Nancy, even I can't get past the fake british accent. It's a charming voice, no doubt, but hire a freaking accent coach, Touchstone.

hahaha I just addressed Touchstone Pictures - this is my greatest entry ever, or wait is it my worst?

4) Everyone loves a precocious little girl who's going to have "a fuckin' attitude" when she's older (READ: the little girl from Problem Child 2)
5) Maybe by "Everyone" I mean "I"
6) Of course I do
7) When I first woke up, I thought I saw Steve Guttenberg making out with Nancy Travis and I was so confused.
8) I mean, how much more can I talk about Three Men and a Little Lady? I'm getting pretty tired and Dennis the Menace just came on.

Thoughts on Dennis the Menace:
1) "With friends like you, who needs friends?" - Dennis says this when he's in Rushmore and it's hilarious
2) hahahahahahaha
Mrs. Mitchell: Dennis! Do you have a slingshot?
Dennis: no hesitation I'm not sure.
3) Everyone loves a precocious little boy who's going to attend UCLA when he's older (thanks, IMDb)
4) Now he's banging his head on the table and saying "My life is falling apart." Oh, Dennis, always so much funnier than I remember.
5) I miss Walter Matthau
6) For as long as I can remember, I've had a medium-sized Man-crush on Lea Thompson.

Let's see what Dennis is up to now:
Here's his official website
OH HOLY CRAP Vishal! Amy Q Lin! Whoever else lives in Bridgewater! The little girl who plays Margaret in Dennis the Menace moved to Bridgewater, NJ to pursue a normal high school career! HAVE YOU SEEN HER? HAVE YOU SEEN AMY SAKASITZ?!

Lately my life is crap. Pauly Shore, bring your new show to me faster, FASTER; I can't wait for July 17th, I can't do this any longer, I'm dying so slowly SO SLOWLY.

I sure hope Peter got his friend to go to the Baxter, that I might dab a tissue on the hand of one who has seen Stella, Joe Lo Truglio, and Ken Marino in person. And I refuse to dab that tissue on the hand of C. Mason Wells EVER AGAIN.
What a tool. What a tulle. What a Jethro Tull. What a Jethro Bodine. Max Baer Jr. Max Max Max Max Max Max


Ne plus ultra.

ONE LAST THING: Remember in Dennis the Menace when the babysitter has her boyfriend come over? The boyfriend is NONE OTHER THAN BUZZ FROM HOME ALONE!

And, might I add, this is the best he has ever or will ever look.

I. Must. Stop. Now.

Thursday, June 16, 2005


said Winger to Mayo.

Blue Ribbon: Bitch-Face Turner
Second-Place Tie for knowing one movie each: Holls McGee & Diet Lum

And now, what you've all probably been waiting for...

1) Animal House
2) Ghostbusters
3) I Heart Huckabees
4) Moonstruck
5) The Parent Trap
6) Moonstruck (the trick was that I put Moonstruck quotes twice)

I feel shitty, really shitty today and I'm not sure why. I think it's because my mom completely guilt-tripped me after work tonight when I wanted to see my friends. Or maybe it's just because I have a losing personality. Funny, I always found it so winning. Driving home twenty minutes ago, I felt like one huge turd - everything I did, all the songs I sang along to, EVERYTHING was stupid. And now I'm watching stupid An Officer and a Gentleman, which is really making me feel better...maybe by the time that guy swallows the ring and hangs himself in the hotel closet, I'll feel right as rain. That's what I'll bank on.

Maybe I'll just see how long I can sleep tonight.

I love Moonstruck.

Monday, June 13, 2005

This One Loves That One

I should have been drinking today, but all day I was all "no I'll probably want to drive somewhere."

I haven't left the house all day

(which is actually a surprise)

I've been trying to clean the house to surprise mom when she gets home...but this, just like all my other plans, definitely won't work out.


Movie Game Time:
1) "Is it supposed to be this soft?"
2) "The flowers are still standing!"
3) "The lady hates mayo."
4) "I ain't a freakin' monument to justice! I lost my hand! I lost my bride! Johnny has his hand! Johnny has his bride! You want me to take my heartache, put it away, and forget?!"
5) "Oh yes! Don't say anything about that dear, sweet, precious Vicky! That plot-faced child bride and her electric hips!"
6) "Snap out of it!"


(you'd be surprised how many people don't know the last one)
(well, you might not be surprised...I'd be surprised)

To play the game, either post your guesses in the comments or email them to me at my brand new email, Yeah, I named it after the blog.

PS there's a trick - look for it.

PPS Michael Jackson!

Sunday, June 12, 2005

I Love You, I Do I Do I Do I Do I Do

Yesterday: Dan Byrne's wedding

Yesterday Pre-Wedding: First time I went to see a movie by myself (really?)

Movie: Monster-In-Law

Wedding: Good

Post-Wedding: I [Heart] Huckabees for the fifth time. Maybe just the fourth. I'm keeping track on a list upstairs.


I: am still home sans mother this weekend

That Means: I might accidentally explode the house

Is: that right? Can I explode something? Oh man, I miss you brain. Have fun on summer vacation, wherever you goed.

Don't: get me wrong if I'm looking kind of dazzled. I see neon lights whenever you walk by.

Don't: get me wrong if I'm acting so distracted. I'm thinking about the fireworks that go off when you smile.

Bloggy: Why, thank you Becky...I never knew! I've always been so afraid to tell you exactly how I feel, but now that we're just...laying it out in the open-

Me: What? puts iTunes on pause Hang on I can't hear you over the Pretenders...What are you saying?

Bloggy: mortified, then dejected ...nothing.


Sorry folks, they don't all end happily.

Friday, June 10, 2005

What Do I, Wait An Entire Week Between Entries Now?

You'll never guess.

Do I feel:
a) hot
b) cold
or c) neither

right now?

HOT. I FEEL HOT. It's Georgia and it's June and, although it's 12:43 am, I'm dying from a heat stroke. Because it's that hot.

Survey Says...take off your parka!

Guys, I'm not even wearing a parka - it's getting that serious.

What are you guys talking about? I bought the rug tool I needed and started the rug but GEEZ it's a slow process.
I don't even OWN a parka.
I miss Chris Farley.
I miss Phil Hartman.
I do not miss Victoria Jackson.
These are the people on my tv right now, in an snl skit that parodies "Family Feud." For a while, Christian Slater (the guest) was smoking a cigarette because he regretted his spot at the far end of the line. Then Victoria Jackson started crying.

Songs I've written down on a list so I could remember to download them:
1) "I Know" by Dionne Farris (the one that's like "I know what you're dooooin' baaaaby, I know why you calllll my naaaaame, I know what you're dooooin' and it's not gonna work this tiiiiime")
2) "Move Your Feet" by Junior Senior
3) "On My Way" by Ben Kweller
4) "We Won't Take No For An Answer" from the acclaimed feature film, The Muppets Take Manhattan
5) "La Tortura" by Shakira (I was recommended it by People Magazine)

PS young Chevy Chase = hot hot hot

PPS My friend Lydia is working at Janeane Garofalo's radio show?! And Janeane likes Lydia's hair?!! IT'S ALL TRUE!

I don't know about everybody else, but I'm workin' for the weekend,
which I seem to recall being THREE DAYS LONG
back when I was at school,
a little school I like to call the University of Columbia in the City of New York.

I call it that. Yeah.

I should get a website counter so I can see how many of you doofuses read this stupid thing. Leave a comment if you dare.

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

And All The Things I Had In Mind For You And Me

Where do I begin?

(to tell the story of how great a love can be...NOPE NOT LOVE STORY, FOLKS)

This is the story of
What happens when
5 girls
Live in a car
For three days in Nashville...
When they stop
Being Polite
And start

But first things first:
(today) Wake up at 11:30 after crashing last night at around 11:30. Put on new dinosaur shirtigan. Pull out jell-o and remember that I can't make jell-o that doesn't taste like trash. Watch vh1's 100 Least Hip-Hop television program. Regret it immediately. Eat a pastry.

(yesterday) At Barnes & Noble Cafe from 9-4. During my time there I:
1) sample a pepsi into which I have poured almond syrup.
2) Burn my right thumb on the toaster.
3) Watch a 15-year-old boy make his mother almost die laughing while they ate sandwiches. They laughed so much - the mom even crossed that line where her face turned red and she couldn't stop laughing if she wanted to. It was nice to see.
I bought the remaining 40% of Hobby Lobby's merchandise I left behind before, including:
1) a canvas
2) a prehistoric dinosaur scene iron-on
3) a paint-by-numbers of two cowboys
4) a rug/pillow kit
5) some more bobbins for the sewing machine, which I have heavily used in the past three days to:
5a) hem some pants
5b) create one skirt where there were once two.
6) a sewing pattern for a kimono
7) a zipper.

Then I unknowingly dropped my mother's credit card and insurance card in the parking lot there (I had picked up a prescription for her earlier).

Then I drove home and freaked out when they weren't in:
a) my pocket
b) my purse
c) my car

Then I called Hobby Lobby and they were all, "Ohhh We've been waiting for your call! A woman found your cards in the parking lot and they're here right now!"


Then I was all "drive drive drive back to Hobby Lobby...pick up cards...come back home"

Oh MAN it was an ordeal.

After that, I cut open the front of this black t-shirt I have and I sewed one side of the zipper onto the shirt (I planned to make a shirt-cardigan, shirtigan) but quickly realized that I bought the wrong kind of zipper for this sort of thing, so I had to rip out what I had already sewn. Then I ironed-on the dinosaur scene to the back of the shirtigan.

Then I tried to do the rug thing, but it's missing this very important tool I've never heard of, so I have to make Hobby Lobby trip #3 (that's right, folks, 3 times in 20 hours) to get that tool at some point today.

Then I tried to do the paint-by-numbers thing, but it turns out you need Turpentine, which I lack.

Then I gave up on arts 'n' crafts in favor of making some jell-o, which turned out terribly.

(the trip) It was AWESOME, we went to NASHVILLE, we had a BLAST. Here's who went:
1) Corned Beef Tullis
2) Holls McGee
3) Mashed Potatoes Turner
4) Trash Biscuit Stephenson
5) and me, MudButt Abrams (so named for my penchant for falling in mud, not for any sort of hygienic problem)

We left Mary's at 11, chik-fil-a chicken biscuits in hand, and drove drove drove until we hit Chattanooga, where a building stands alone bearing the name "Krystal" on its corners.

We wanted to go into the test kitchen SO BADLY but it was guarded like none other! They had this bell you had to ring and everything! We hid our faces from the security camera.

Then we drove to Jack Daniel's Country and took a self-guided tour around the Jack Daniel's Museum. I bought some whiskey balls and thought wistfully of the holidays.

BAYMONT INN: Katherine went to check-in at the front desk for "her single room" and then she snuck us in the back door. We five stayed two nights in this room, and we paid very little money for it. Then we hit up Nashville, got hopelessly lost, drove past the actual city, and ate at a Mellow Mushroom whose theme was apparently "Crying Baby Night." Then we told-all in the hotel room.

The Next Day: MAZE CRAZE? MORE LIKE MAZE UNFAZED. Because it sucked and we hated it in a nonchalant sort of way. All I'm saying is they promised us a labyrinth, and all we got was 10 cubicle walls. That's all I care to say.

Then a short nap at the hotel, then an exciting walk to the Shoney's next door, then back to the hotel room, then we watched Man Squall (alternate title White Squall?) courtesy of the Baymont Inn's HBO service, then we hit up Nashville AGAIN, only this time in style. We bought hella souvenirs and ate at Demos' and walked up 2nd Avenue, which is full of bars we didn't enter. We saw a midget.

The Third Day:
1) The Grand Ole Opry...giftshop
2) The Parthenon...of Nashville's Centennial Park
3) The which we drove home.

Many thanks to Travel Size Guess Who, that slushie from that gas station, and Montel Jordan's "This Is How We Do It."


Particularly on June 28th, when Stella premieres on Comedy Central.

Let us hope for the best and watch for unnecessary crotch-shots.

Saturday, June 04, 2005

And That's No Lie

there's no denying it:
I'm drunk.

As a skunk,
hate, becky

Thursday, June 02, 2005

I Knew It!

THIS MORNING: My mind couldn't stop pulsing with the thought, "What is special about June 2nd? There's something about June 2nd! What IS IT?"

Today is my darling Todd Rundgren's birthday.

Happy 57, Todd! If your last name were Heinz, we could do the Heinz 57 joke today, but you're not a Heinz. You're a Rundgren, and I'm glad for it.

'Cause I saw...
the light...
in his eyes

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

It's Been A Super-Long Time Since I've Seen Dirty Dancing

That's true.

I just sent an email that says "to" where I meant to write "too." And now it's too late to change it...FRUSTRATION

Would I get a lot of money if I were put up in some sort of charity date-auction? I always wonder.
The thought consumes me.

Roadtrip to Nashville tomorrow! Nothing but fun, a car, Tennessee, and bicycle jousting for three whole days. Get it? Bike jousting, like on that coke commercial. My friends and I aren't like those kids, though. We aren't proving that kids do more than lie on the couch. All I do is lie on the couch...that, and take roadtrips. AND Coke isn't sponsoring us...thanks a fat lot, stupid Coke. And after all we've been through - I thought we meant something to each other.


Here, go buy yourself some more money.

Roadtrip ahoy!


PS See Crash...NOW.