Wednesday, November 30, 2005

The Case Of The Missing $2 Butcher Knife

here's something that will change your day:

"she kept knocking on my door and trying to give me creatine!"

HERE is something that will change my day:
changing the song to that other song
that's like

I want to kill this man
but he turned around and ran
I'll kill him with karate that I learned in Japan

he wouldn't see my face
I wouldn't leave a trace
I wouldn't use a bullet
'cause a bullet's a disgrace

here IS something that WILL change NOBODY'S day:
there is no missing $2 butcher knife

Recent Acquisitions I'm Particularly Happy With:
-lighter with a cowboy superimposed on an American flag
(the old stars and bars)
-one of those vicks vapor stick guys you can put up your nose
(enjoyed an upgrade recently when Clementine used one on the train in Eternal Sunshine)
-batman bandaids
(which came in handy when Philippa banged her hand...y)
-my knitting things
(which aren't so much "recent acquisitions" as "old balls of yarn from my room")

I brought red, green, and white yarn. And I'm going to make something that looks a lot like Christmas.

-vicks vapor stick sleeve
-three-piece suit
-wedding ring case
-ugly knitted holiday tie for matt, #2
-pretend tongue
-party starter

there are so many other things I should've been doing with this time
and so few other things I actually would've done

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

I'd Like To Live In The Villa Savoye


We most definitely talked about Data from Star Trek a lot in Contemporary Civilizations today. It was all "so does Descartes think that Data's conscious?" this and "remember how Data was always asking what love is?" that. I really need to stop participating so much.

And speaking of,
[my classes]

we saw Beau travail in film yesterday and GUESS WHAT, CHUMPS - I enjoyed it. Except for the ending, ha-ha just kidding. It is, OF COURSE, the best part...the ending.

Caroline's last night went very well. And Bill Burr was there.

And I very much appreciate everyone coming to see us.

Last night (after Caroline's), I wrote a six-page paper called "The Annihilation of Spatial Expectation."


Monday, November 28, 2005

The Two-Hundred-Ninety-Sixth Old Familiar Ruse

Oh no, here it comes - a republication my oldest and therefore most endearing (and littlest) post:

My first entry! First of several! Most likely!

Here is Becky:
1) thrilled about blogging, since I seem to take on more and more obsessive internet hobbies as semester continues
2) constantly worried about misspelling words
3) will drink any kind of soda...Any Kind. That's right, even Beverly. But I won't like the Beverly. No one does.
4) half-heartedly believe that using a blue pen on quizzes will give me luck
5) hid a red balloon in my closet over Thanksgiving break so that when I returned to my room, I would be surprised by a red balloon jumping out of the closet at me!
6) registered for fencing next semester...why?
7) because it was hard to get the classes I wanted
8) enjoy sweet potatoes:
a) for the taste
b) because once, in my youth, I saw on Pop-Up Video that women who eat a lot of sweet potatoes are more likely to have twins
9) am (platonically) fascinated by twins
10) last movie I saw: The Incredibles

To Do: write first entry...check.


Bloggy: happy anniversary, becky.

Me and Bloggy together: Now let's get some chicken fingers!

(even though I'm pretty sure Bloggy doesn't like chicken fingers very much) (compromise: that's why we've been together so long)

And PS to amanda-
it means "you shouldn't be embarrassed" and it's a line from "Sara," my most well-liked Italian song. I put it on your Spain cd, I think. So listen up and enjoy!

PPS they used "yeah, you can do a solo...just do it so low I can't hear you" on saturday night live this weekend. I'm already looking for a lawyer.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Non Ti Devi Vergognare

a) Turkey
b) Stuffing
c) Pumpkin soup
d) Green bean casserole
e) Asparagus
f) Sweet potatoes stuffed in oranges
g) Salad with pomegranate seeds in it

I made items (d) and (f). They were, of course, delicious. My brother made items (g), (b), and (e). My preferences included (c), (f), (a), and (b). I felt item (d)'s recipe called for too much sour cream. Item (e) oddly had no effect on the way my pee smelled after dinner. I fell into a coma at the table after eating items (d), (b), (g), (f), (a), (e), and (c).

My dog smells bad and I think it might be because he maybe has IBS. Well, you know what they say - after a while, the owner and the pet start to look alike! Hah! Oh man I am terrible. Terrible! Jonathan, why do you even let me leave the house?! Honestly! I am a mess and a half! Honey, if you're getting up, could you bring me back another flute of champagne?

going to the marta station, which will take me to the airport, which will take me to a plane, which will take me to LaGuardia, which will take me to the cab line, which will take me to a cab, which will take me to Columbia, which is where I shall retire, perhaps after a nightcap.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Selfless And Cold But Definitely Not Composed

As my 7pm flight became a 1am flight, my eyes wandered over the exhausted traveler's faces, and I barfed and sneezed at the same time, thus exploding.

Now I'm watching the Lostaways play golf, specifically Jack and Kate, who will never kiss, ever.

Remember that part in Cat's Cradle when the ruler's daughter refuses to have sex with the main guy? And she says something like "don't you know what that leads to? Do you really want to raise a baby in this kind of world?" because it's after all the Ice-9 has spread? That must be why there's no sex on Lost. Fine, fine. WAIT but what about Shannon and Sayid? Oh yeah, Shannon took a bullet in the stomach right after. So I guess there's nothing to worry about there.

Back To Work, or The Bachelor Does Paris, Rebecca Abrams's most recent work

Me: walks into store Hi, everybody!

Rachel (a coworker): Hi, Rebecca

Michelle (manager): You should do the dishes in back. Welcome back.

Me: oh, ok.
does dishes

Michelle: poking her head into the kitchen You should make three regular frappuccino mixes, two UBBs, and a light frappuccino mix.

Me: oh...ok.
does that

For four and a half hours, ME waits on people in line

Me: God I hate this.

Michelle: You should...not hate this.

Me: You heard that?

Rachel: We all heard it, Rebecca. And we saw you eat that cookie in the back. We see everything-

Rachel and Michelle, together: We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of the dreams

Me: oh. ok. I'm gonna...go?

ME walks out of the store, only to find that the doorway opens onto the ledge of a cliff! She falls down the canyon until the gorge flips upside-down and then she falls up, doing back flips. She sees a group of thirty people floating in the air, chanting "I highly doubt that Dakota Fanning will be the most fascinating person of 2005" over and over. Then she sits up in bed, sweating

She looks around, catching her breath, until she looks down at her hand and finds cookie crumbs in it

Me: Criminy!
Me: Jumpin' Jehosephat!


I think that's my first one with a dream. OR IS IT?!

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Fine And Dandy - Lord It's Like A Hard Candy Christmas

to do before s l e e p:
1) listen to "hard candy christmas"
2) read Bacon, Descartes readings for CC class from which I will be absent tomorrow
3) write some sort of response blah for them
4) send that guy in
5) send email to film teacher to say I won't be in class tomorrow (check)
6) hang up posters for Fruit Paunch at Caroline's
7) decide whether I should skip Art Hum tomorrow
8) find a way to use someone else's printer quota to print out the rest of the Psych readings
9) I originally typed "readins"
10) pack my suitcase for Norcross
11) wash face/brush teeth
12) get my life together
13) lie down for a while, not sleeping
14) maybe sleep a little
15) download "everything I own" by Bread
16) give up my life, my heart, my home
17) just to have you back again

Sheila Whitfield!

Hey guys, remember me?

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Pie In The Face

two glasses of pinot grigio with grandma Bobbie at dinner?
Yes, please.

Stumblingly drunk now?
Somehow yeah

Any homework this weekend?

Been dreamin' of the things you've learned about a boy who's bleedin'?
Celebrate to elevate.

What does that mean?
two glasses of pinot grigio, becky. What could it mean?

Probably it means go see Harry Potter 4. now. NOW.

so serious, guys. See it now.

Additionally, I'm in the 112th Varsity Show.
Also, LateNite went well.

THANKSGIVING IS NEARLY UPON US!! Buy the pie sooner than later!

And come see me at the barnes and noble cafe on wednesday or friday if you can spare the time/if you live in/around Norcross.

Friday, November 18, 2005


sometimes when I read these things, I just want to die.

let's do an Abrams On Stage list:
please attend the following

1) LateNite theatre anthology XI (black box 8 and 11 on friday and saturday)
2) Fruit Paunch at Caroline's in Times Square! (monday the 29th) (there's some number you have to call to rsvp so that we, in turn, don't have to pay them one hundred fifty dollars)

I'm going home for thanksgiving on tuesday night.
let's do an Abrams At Home list:
tuesday night - fly in
wednesday until 5:30 - work at barnes and noble
rest of wednesday - hangin with momz
thursday - die of food
friday until 5 - work at barnes and noble
rest of friday - see people I know
saturday - who even knows
saturday evening - fly back

suck it, turkeys everywhere. Suck it, barnes and noble employee discount.


Monday, November 14, 2005

Freak-A-Leek Computer Lab

And did I forget to mention that I saw a creepy old man look at porn in the computer lab for a good two hours last night?

He was in the computer lab in Lerner with a wall of windows, and he was sitting at one of the computers whose screen you can see from the main hall. So naturally I figured it was performance art.

Why performance art?
1) he did it for over two hours
2) it was PORN
3) he sat where people were sure to look at all the PORN he was looking at
4) when he left, he just sort of walked away in that way that most performance artists just sort of walk away

Why maybe not performance art?
1) so much PORN
2) sad middle-aged man with big glasses and gray hair
3) sometimes people have a hard time accessing their internet at home, so they have to go to a computer lab in the student center of a university to look at all their PORN

Ok, all I'm saying is that that's like 67% of my beers.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Who Knows Where Or When

I have decided to learn the french language through any combination of the following:

1) taking french
2) watching Moonstruck with the french audio track on
3) watching Moonstruck with the french subtitles on
4) meeting a frenchman
5) buying Muzzy
6) fake it 'til I make it

Here are french song lyrics I know:

1) La lune est libre, je crois.
(that's from Lo Boob Oscillator)
2) La mer qu'on voit danser le long des golfes clairs
(that's from La Mer)
3) C'est l'homme ideal, charme au masculin
(from Sexy Boy)
4) Quand il me prend dans ses bras, il me parle tout bas; je vois la vie en rose
(La Vie en Rose)
5) Michelle, ma belle - sont les mots qui vont tres bien ensemble, tres bien ensemble.


Here is what I enjoy:

(from "Iowa Stubborn" in Music Man)

But what the heck, you're welcome,
Join us at the picnic-
You can eat your fill of all the food you bring yourself.

You really ought to give Iowa a try.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Kel Loves Orange Soda

Today Ralph Mouse rode his tiny, tiny motorcycle through my Italian class. Only he didn't have a motorcycle, and it was just a regular mouse. A regular mouse without a motorcycle ran through my Italian class today. Everyone screamed.

Apparently I'm in a play that opens in a week and a half - this is the first I've heard of it.
But seriously folks, it opens in nine days and I'm still on book and we haven't covered all the scenes yet. That's fine. That's fine. That's fine.

Coffee : my body :: Locke : the island on Lost

I hung a curtain with birds on it up on my wall/window. It covers both, so the untrained eye will be fooled into thinking that I have a wall of windows. And if the curtain doesn't fool them, maybe the masterful eiffel-tower-in-the-window mural behind it WILL.

(just like the one in All That)
(the one Kenan used to sit in front of, in his bathtub, in his slicker)
(Kenan, kenan, kenan)
(kel loves orange soda)

(I do I do I do I do-oooooo)

Monday, November 07, 2005

I'm Will Arnett And I Don't Really Laugh That Much At Asssscat 3000

I'm becky abrams and I know that Will Arnett doesn't really laugh that much at Asssscat 3000 BECAUSE I WAS STANDING THREE FEET AWAY FROM HIM THE WHOLE TIME TONIGHT!


Colin and I went with Derickson to an improv show at the Magnet Theater on 28th. THEN we realized that we were very close to the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre, so we decided to try to get into Asssscat late. When we were walking over there, I told Derickson that if I saw Will Arnett, I'd pee my pants-

then, seconds later:
Me: oh my god that's Will Arnett smoking a cigarette outside the UCB theatre.

Then we went in and onstage were:
Amy Poehler
Matt Walsh
Seth Meyers
Horatio Sanz
the Conan writer with the dark buzzcut
some woman
Brian Huskey (from Best Week Ever)
and the guy who has something big to do with The Onion (he didn't improv - he was the monologue guy)

During the break, Will Arnett came in from outside and sat on a bench three feet away from me. I couldn't see him without actually turning my head toward him, but I could tell out of my peripheral vision when he was laughing/asking the woman next to him for gum. Very little laughing. Apparently he grew up speaking french. That's difficult for me to accept.

So basically tonight was the COOLEST and I'm going back to asssscat whenever I have the chance. Because this is just ridiculous.

Walking past Will Arnett on the sidewalk without saying anything to him or looking at him prolongedly or peeing your pants is more of a challenge than you'd think.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

I Catch A Beat Running Like Randy Moss

Ali's apartment = small and good.
Ali's and my job this summer = waitresses at the restaurant "Cowgirl"
meaning that we can be cowgirl waitresses FOR REAL

Ali's my cousin.

I bought cookies to bake
and read a lot of a widow for one year


Thursday, November 03, 2005

I've Watched You Look Away

how about:
instead of eat dinner, like I want,
I dump a miniature bottle of korbel into half a bottle of orange juice I got out of the vending machine earlier?

That sounds great.
really great.
reallllly great. drunk off half a mimosa. should've eaten first.


no class

(venerdi, sabato, domenica, lunedi, martedi)
(viernes, sabado, domingo, lunes, martes)
that's all the languages I can do right now.
LOOK (exhale).

there was nothing to follow "look"

(how long does it last? can love be measured by the hours in a day? I have no answers, and this much I can say: I know I'll need her 'til the stars all burn away and...she'

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Rabbit Rabbit, Care For A Honey Lemon Cough Drop?

a conversation between me and holly the other night:

Lucillesong: i'm not gonna be IGNORED, dan!
Lucillesong: I always meant to say that to dan byrne more
HollsMcgee: HAHA
HollsMcgee: haha of you shouldve
HollsMcgee: oh goodness
HollsMcgee: you ...should have said that to dan bryne

you...should realize how funny this timing is.
Congratulations, instant messenger, on having your first intentional-tone conversation!

none of that even made SENSE.

It's very close to settled that I'm naming a child Mitch.
(but not too close for comfort!)

PS here's how the "Give her a feather - she's a cherokee" playlist goes these days:
1) "pocahontas" by neil young
2) "indian reservation" by paul revere and the raiders
3) "half-breed" by cher
4) "your squaw is on the warpath" by loretta lynn
5) "cortez the killer" by neil young and crazy horse
6) "I'm an Indian, too" from Annie Get Your Gun
7) "ugg-a-wugg" from Peter Pan