Look Watch

This will be the last time "October" appears only once in the month-archive list. 23 months and only one of them October. Eat that, Ricki Lake!

So I Went To The Corner Just To Ease My Pain

said, just to ease my pain I got worries I got troubles
I got wounds to bind




That was my favorite book when I was younger. Anastasia Krupnik, you blowhard!

I guess I'll wake up for work in four and a half hours. WHY DO I HATE MYSELF?

Mostly Mozart

a) today on the way home, my subway had to bypass its stop at 66th because of a POLICE INVESTIGATION!!

b) a play.

HOW I ADORE THEE, YET BUT A SEED IN MY WOMB

WADE puts a sign on BECKY's back while they're at work. The sign reads "Caution! Baby on Board!" BECKY leaves it there because she likes signs on people's backs and fake pregnancy.

WADE: Wow, Becky, you better put those plates down. Gotta watch that heavy lifting!

GLORIA (fifty-something accountant, actually crazy): Why's she gotta watch the heavy lifting? Am I missin' something?

WADE: Look at her back, Gloria.

BECKY turns so GLORIA can read the sign

GLORIA: Caution baby on board. Oh, you're pregnant? (laughs a little)

BECKY: (beams) Yep.

GLORIA: (laughing a little less) Really? You're pregnant? (maintains frozen smile throughout)

BECKY: Yep! (pats stomach lightly)

GLORIA: Well, when's the baby due?

BECKY: August.

GLORIA: Wow, really? Oh, you got a long way to go. Do you know if it's a boy or a girl? (still mildly bewildered)

BECKY: Nah, too early to tell.

GLORIA: Do you want to know? The sex of the baby?

BECKY: I kind of want to wait. Is that old-fashioned of me?

GLORIA: No, I hear lots of people these days wait. Haven't you seen the sonogram?

BECKY: A little.

GLORIA: Oh. How does your mother feel about all this?

BECKY: My mother? She's so happy! She's really ecstatic.

GLORIA: Yeah, I guess that's when having a mother comes in handy. You just drop the kids off with her and then she gives 'em back when she's sick of them!

BECKY: Yeah.

GLORIA: So when did you find out-

PETER (accountant assistant): She's not really pregnant, Gloria.

GLORIA: Oh. Well how was I supposed to know?

fin



c) that really happened. Pretty much word-for-word. The order is a little wrong, but everything in there happened today.

d) It smells a little like updoc in here.

e) What's up doc?

f) NOT MUCH, WHAT'S UP WITH YOU?

g) busted!!

Just Call Me Michael Winslow Because I'm (THBP THBP Helicopter Noise) Getting Out Of Here!

Sometimes he's the only one who can make me happy.
Sometimes he's not.

Tess Cohen turning 20 makes me feel like I'm turning 20 again and should thereby blast my dear old smog out into the night. Why? Because smog has two songs about being nine[teen]ager. Double entendre? Not a real way to communicate two words? Ok, but maybe. Maybe.

Now all I can do is put m&ms in my coffee and see if they melt, which God Willing they will, since I really like m&ms today. Most days I don't even think about them, but today they're outrageous.

Today my friend jonathan told me about a nude model in his drawing class who had greasy fat man breasts and outrageous pubic hair. I liked the part about the "outrageous pubic hair." The m&ms coffee is gone, but the m&ms are still there. In the bottom. I shall divine them like Professor Trelawney!

Ick, bogey flavor!!

I've got the key to your heart...alohomora!

Here's a website for how to parent your teens with some good, old-fashioned Harry Potter know-how. Thank God someone finally had the presence of mind to publish this on the information superhighway - what was I supposed to do, buy the little nut a car and tell him he's grounded if he stays out past curfew?!!! I'm like, "GIVE ME A HARRY POTTER GUIDE, INTERNETS!!" And look at the grease a squeaky lil wheel gets for it.

Happy Bidet, Tess.

1017 Lerner Hall New York NY 10027

it's my birthday!

I emailed my 1030 am italian teacher to be like "fuck y'all I'm sleepin in" only in italian

then I initiated new paunchies, whom I love with fullest of hearts

then I am about to brush my face simultaneously with philippa. durnk much?

legally?
yes.

YOU CAN'T KICK ME OUT OF NOWHERES NOW, COPPERS!

suck it
!!!!!

All I Want Is A Room Somewhere

okay. Okay it's time.

BECKY'S BACK-BREAKING WISHLIST FOR HER FIRST AND ONLY ONE-SCORE AND ONE-YEAR BIRTHDAY:

-Music from the Adventures of Pete & Pete
-"Pee wee's Playhouse" on dvd (any season)
-"Doogie Howser, MD" on dvd (any season)
-a yoga mat (still)
-External hard drive (don't worry about it)
-Tap shoes/lessons
-"I Am Not Afraid and I Will Beat Your Ass" by Yo La Tengo
-Some help bluetoothing some of my mp3s into ringtones for my phone
-Seems Like Old Times
-Scene It: TV edition
-Punch Drunk Love on DVD (my vhs just won't do it anymore)
-The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou
-A radio show on wbar
-"Home Movies" season 3 or 4
-Hocus Pocus
-GUITAR HERO
-If "It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia" ever comes out on dvd, I’d like that
-Any "The Office" paraphernalia
-Tickets to the 9/28 Clap Your Hands Say Yeah featuring Architecture in Helsinki concert
OR -Tickets to the 9/29, 9/30, or 10/1 Sufjan concert
OR -Tickets to the 9/24 or 9/25 Flaming Lips concert
-"Everyone Who Pretended to Like Me Is Gone" by the Walkmen
-a Chantal Goya cd (with music from Masculin Feminin on it please) (and if you could get this one to me before the party, that would be great, since I plan on making the soundtrack to my party entirely based on this song)

that's the list, I think. Oh, and add:

-some tubes of acrylic paint, s'il vous plaît
-someone to take a series of portraits of my suite, PABAR (including silhouettes, Christmas-style settings, and a few where we're all prodigies at like, violin and horseback riding)

MILLE GRAZIE

Also I Just Saw Viggo Mortensen

He was helping his son move into a dorm. He was wearing a baseball cap!

I Saw LOL And Laughed Out Loud

or inside quietly. Nice work, C Mason!

I'm eating Utz brand Party Mix because guess what, folks. I'm drunk. Off one vodka tonic from the Ding Dong Lounge on Columbus. One. FEELS GOOD.

Furthermore, someone's having a birthday soon. Who could it be who could it be oh yeah. Oh yeah, it's ME. Me, Al Franken! The full birthday wishlist is forthcoming, but for now I'll just say that the new Yo La Tengo album is getting released on September 12th, just one day before my birthday.

And I'm spilling Utz brand party mix all over The Lodge. PS seriously no one has anything to say about The Lodge? Really? I like it rather a lot. I know what Katherine thinks of it because she wrote me an email. But everyone else, really? The Lodge? I like it even more than the War Room, which I decorated upstairs in a portion of our common area. What's a War Room, anyway?

Well, wikipedia.org defines "war room" as "a room wherein strategic decisions are made; often military." Funny, that's what I define it as, too. HOW FUNNY!

Ok see you later bye!