Hey Buddy, Why Don't You Come Over Here And Try It Again, Okay?

Here's what preoccupied me during store-closing tonight:

Sweep vs. Mop: The Grand Debate

I always thought I liked mopping more than sweeping. Who wouldn't?! Mopping is easy, PLUS it has water, which is always a winner.
BUT IT TURNS OUT:
Sweeping is tons better because
a) to mop, you have to sweep in the first place, and you have to sweep very well. To sweep, you don't have to do anything in the first place - the floor can be as dirty as it wants to be. (no prerequisite)
b) mops get really heavy sometimes, but brooms are more or less manageable. (minimal physical strain)
c) if somebody sucks at sweeping (e.g. the guy who swept the store tonight), he brings down the whole operation because the mopper (e.g. me) ends up just pushing shitty trash-water all over the floor. The sweeper might as well be somebody who likes to do it so the floor can actually get clean before the water comes in. (anal retention)

Sometimes, it's hard to learn such surprising things about yourself.
I never wanted to know that I prefer sweeping to mopping.
And neither did you, probably.

Sorry guys.

Please, Oprah, I Beg You - Don't Teach Me To Release My Inner Sexpot

Events of Monday!
10-4: Barnes & Noble Cafe...coffee coffee coffee (to be said aloud quickly and fiendishly)
4-11: Something...? What did I do yesterday? Oh yeah I tried to go to the YMCA but - on account of Memorial Day - it was CLOSED. So I drove around for an hour.
11: Passed out, which makes this the earliest I've fallen asleep (excepting Saturday) in about 10 months.

Events of Today!
9: Wake up confused...9 am is early; why am I not more sleepy? Oh yeah, because I've just had 10 hours of sleep.
9-11: Read in bed.
11-1:30: Read on couch downstairs. Segment interrupted by creation of the perfect omelette. Seriously guys, it was perfect. I have no idea how I did it, but I plan on doing it again because IT WAS PERFECT.
2-3: YMCA
3-4: Shower/ Watch Bill Murray interview on some NBC show with some lady named Jane? What's this business? Bill Murray was amazing, but the crowd was obnoxiously fake and loud. They laughed after everything he said and did. It made me so sad.
4: Oprah, why why why do you want to teach me to stripper-walk in 5 easy steps? This is why I don't watch you. I always miss the interesting coked-up-possibly-gay-Tom-Cruise ones, and I always land right on the help-me-find-the-right-bra-size episodes.

I'm going to work soon. It's my brother's birthday.
HAPPY 23, MATT!

But I refer to him as Matthew.

Oprah is sporting leather pants today,

And I am not.

What Follows A Sleepathon?

What else could follow so many hours of sleep, other than an entire afternoon/evening/night filled with cop drama?
Law & Order: SVU
Law & Order: SVU
Law & Order: SVU
Law & Order: SVU
Law & Order: SVU
Law & Order: SVU
Law & Order: SVU
Double Jeopardy starring one miss Ashley Judd.

Here's what they all say:
"Rilo Kiley.

Rilo Kiley's where it's at, Becky - you'd love Rilo Kiley if you'd only give them a chance!"

Guess what ole kid detective (I ain't no kid!) Becky figured out today-
the guitarist/singer in Rilo Kiley is none other than...

PINSKY from "Salute Your Shorts!!!!"

maybe I should give them a listen.


AND FURTHERMORE
To Katherine re: borrowing "Wonderfalls"
MOS DEF

It's True, Your Honor: This Man Has No Dick.

What happened last night:

5:30. Return home from shopping and realize that I'm very, very tired.

6:00. Fall asleep.

1:00. Wake up, look at the clock, go back to sleep. Have an extended dream, and the only part I remember involves a nervous skunk with an itchy trigger finger who guards the steps to my house. My dog and I kept trying to get past it without threatening it, but every time we tried, the skunk would freak out and spray us a little. By the third time, I lost it and started screaming at the skunk. It jumped and did that cartoon running-in-the-air thing and ran away.

5:00. Wake up. I'm still extremely tired, but I watch the final episode of "Wonderfalls" anyway. I am happy that the show only lasted for 13 episodes because I would've hated to see its decline.

6:00. Read some of Handmaid's Tale, which I never read all the way through when I was supposed to (eat my shorts, lit hum)

6:45. Fall asleep again.

11:00. Wake up, remember that I never took my babysitting payment out of my corduroys' back pocket, retrieve money from pocket, put it back, go downstairs, start watching Ghostbusters on TNT.

I hope I come out of this ordeal three or four inches taller. I'll go measure myself right now
...........
........
We can't be positive (since I measured with a yard stick), but if this thing is right, I've grown a half-inch!

Is Becky still growing?!

Sayonara, 5'0"
Welcome to town, 5'0.5"!

Linda, You've Got To Get Away From That Creep!

I just heard somebody say that on "I Love The Nineties: 1994: Part Deux."

(drawn-out sigh)

NEWSFLASH!
C. Mason Wells commented on my blog! And he was right to do it.

You guys, I'm so weak. Apparently my arm musles have atrophied, or my body weight has tripled, or some horrible mixture thereof has occurred. The less I wear, the more I need Nair. My hair is falling out in unsightly clumps and I am now completely bald. An eagle pecked my throat out, so now I have to talk through one of those robot-voice-boxes. And I have an eye patch on both eyes. Also, my teeth just like, turned blue for some reason.

What the hell is going on with me?

Somebody, for the love of all that's holy, save what's left of this unsightly, fuzzy skull's dignity and say yes to me when I ask:
WILL YOU GO WITH ME TO SADIE HAWKINS?

So anyway, long story short, Sam Huntington could play Jason Mewes's brother if ever they had the opportunity to act together.

Just saying.

Who Is That Man In The Suit?

So somebody's "Pete & Pete Season One" dvd arrived yesterday,
and somebody realizes now, in a way that she couldn't ever realize before,
that a show whose "Nightcrawlers" episode revolves around
1) a 10-year-old with a naked woman tattoo
2) a pink-eye girl
3) the kid from Heavyweights
4) an asian girl
5) Heather Matarazzo
6) some poor schlub undergoing the tender stage of puberty
AND 7) Artie, the strongest man... IN THE WORLD

is probably the best television show there has ever been.

Other News:

Barnes & Noble Cafe job is going SURPRISINGLY well - I really enjoyed work today. Everyone is so laid back and calm; it's a 180-degree turn away from the Coldstone massacre, which wasn't really a massacre at the time, BUT to which I would never, ever return even on pain of death.

I steamed milk and made grade-A foam (my self-esteem is through the roof).

LET THE WORLD KNOW THAT THE FIRST DRINK I HAVE PRODUCED AS AN EMPLOYEE OF THIS VENTURE IS:
a nonfat,
sugar-free,
tall
vanilla
latte.

(times two).

CONGRATULATE ME! Or don't. Whichever you feel better about.

We're All Forgiven

QUIZ TIME:
Rebecca shall provide both the questions and the responses.


Question the First:
What have you done more than anything else since you've been home, Rebecca? Even more than sleep and possibly breathe?

A: TV TV TV!
I want to die.

Question the Second:
What did you do this morning?

A: Made three batches of cookies and one tray of brownies. It's care package send-off time for mother, and I'm the muscle in this operation.

Question the Third:
What are you wearing right now, on a Tuesday at 3:47 pm?

A: Why, funny you should ask, because it is most definitely my pajamas. Rebecca is sporting a jaunty, home-made scrubs shirt, whose material was cut right out of a yellow-with-orange-stripes bedsheet. And covering her tush? Why, none other than a pair of light blue boxers from the early eighties, when Fruit of the Loom's motto was "The Shorter, the Better!" She's not entirely sure where they came from, but she'll be damned if she doesn't wear them anyway!

Question the Fourth:
But what if they came from the trash or something?

A: Trust me, they didn't.

Question the Fifth:
Are you sure?

A: Yes.

Question the Sixth:
How would you feel about driving around for a while?

A: Pretty good. I'll probably get Gabe's emissions test done...fuck I hope I'm not late with the registration stuff. Screw vehicle registration, screw emissions testing, and screw ad valorem taxes!

Question the Seventh:
I like what you're saying. How can I learn your ways, your opinions?

A: Simple! Just buy my new cassette collection for not $19.99, not $14.99, but for nine easy payments of $13.99!

Question the Eighth:
What?

A: I don't really know, either.

END OF QUIZ.

Die, FIFO, Die

First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out First in first out

DIE DIE DIE FIFO DIE

I've Got A Bad Feeling About This

In the past two days, I've seen 5 of the 6 episodes of Star Wars. I couldn't be happier, so either rejoice with me or keep your stupid trap shut.

I have also crafted a scarf, which will serve as a birthday present to the person who suspects it the least. The very very least.

Double-secret-probation never gets old.

Things I have to do before the month ends:
1) Get Matt a birthday present
2) Renew Mr. Kotter's registration
3) Pray that I don't have to get one of those ugly new gray license plates for Mr. Kotter
4) Pay phone bill
5) Start work
6) Babysit Morris children at 7:15 in the morning
7) Get Mr. Kotter's emissions tested
8) Mail this scarf
9) Go to a Braves game
10) Return blockbuster dvd I didn't watch (but which I rented for free)
11) Return all my junk to the library
12) Man I don't KNOW what else, but I'm sure it's a lot.

This entry is bringing me under - you guys have to fend for yourselves for the rest of the night.
Mama's soaking her feet in a bath of epsom salts and doggie bones.
What?
Eeeep-somb sahhhlt?
What eees pri-va-cy?
(Michelle, you little money-making monster!)

You Go To Hell And You Die

GUYS guys GUYS guys guys guys

Since I've last posted, I've been to GREENVILLE SC and back! That's like To Hell And Back, except Greenville isn't hell, unless you think "Greenville" sounds like "Hill Valley" (just go with me on this one) and then you think of Back to the Future II when there's a sign that says "Welcome to Hell Valley."

Then you might think there's a correlation.


STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN, REVEAL THYSELF!
I have to know who you are so's I can marry you. Marry you up real nice. What?

Here's what Stone Cold makes me think of:
in 7th grade history (warmest regards to Mr. Jack Harris), Hoyt and Cy were doing some project that explained how they figured out What The Rock Is Cooking...

Syllogism time:
The Rock is a professional wrestler, thus he regularly encounters Stone Cold Steve Austin.
The Rock is of Mexican descent, and perhaps he comes from a poor hobo family.
Therefore, the Rock is cooking Stone Soup, which would be called "Stone Sopa" in his native hispanic culture.

The Rock is cooking Stone Sopa, QED.


Speculative, schmeculative - everyone knows this is right.

And here's what I can't stop saying:
You go to hell and you die!

(pronunciation note: "die" must be said "dhai" for it to sound hilarious, like when I do it)
(overall, just try to sound like Peggy Hill and you'll get it right on the nose)

Errrrnnnnnnssssstttt!

Which means, "seeeeeerrriiiiiouuuusssslllyyy!"

If I see this stupid "click it or ticket" commercial ONE MORE TIME, I'm buying a gun and shooting my tv. I'm not essing around here, guys.

Ernst!

So I made $20 for the babysitting and that's DONE.

Today Mary called but I thought the ring was Amanda's personalized phone ring so for like half of the conversation I thought I was talking to Amanda. I love it when that happens because AT LEAST IT'S SOMETHING DIFFERENT.

And it makes me wonder what I've said in the few minutes immediately preceding.

AND NOW I'm unimaginably hungry!
What is there to eat?!

I. DON'T. KNOW.

But I'm gonna find out!

(Name that movie and I'll marry you) (when I'm good and ready)

"House" Is A Wildly Interesting Show

Seriously, guys, seriously.

Here's what I mouth (without speaking) to Vishal:
Viiiishalllll,
Stopppppppp!
Seriously Vishaallllll why are you dooooing thisssss?! STOPPPPPPP!

hahahahahaahah!

Oh man you'd have to see it to laugh.

What's this? Fox5 uncovered a fake lawyer? I highly doubt it.

What's this? I'm babysitting tomorrow and don't want to? That sounds familiar.

What's this? A commercial with a gunslinger and a scallop with eyes? Fantastic!

Today I went to the library and borrowed:
-Learn German tapes
-Learn Hindi tapes
-Learn Russian tapes
-Learn French tapes
-Neil Diamond's "Live In America"
-Michael Jackson's "Number Ones"
-Breakfast of Champions

Today I also went to Target and purchased:
-Sunless tan spray, Neutrogena
-grapefruit bath tablets
-"Wonderfalls" complete dvd series
-a candle that smells like mom's apple turnovers
-some conditioner that will trick my hair into thinking it's another color

FURTHERMORE
I was driving in my car and I heard "Jane" by Jefferson Starship for the first time in a looooong time.

And boy, I missed it.

BEFORE I GO:
Look! It's that guy who always seemed like a mixture of C. Thomas Howell and very young Jim Carrey! What's he doing on "House?"

There Are Mornings When I Wake Up Feeling Like I'll See Him

Dinner and television with Mary S, Big Kat [Bitch-Face], and Sweet Sassy Tullassy?
OKAY!

Prepare some Instant Chocolate Pudding?
SURE!

Work an entire summer of 8-hour shifts at the Barnes & Noble cafe?
...UHHHH WAIT

Run into/meet Irshaad, the Surinamese boy my friend Briana dumped via Instant Messenger, at the YMCA membership desk?
AWKIES

Buy up Hobby Lobby's entire stock of yarn?
OH YEEEEAAAAAHH

Fetch pudding out of the fridge (because it's surely been 5 minutes by now)?
DITTO AS ABOVE
(OH YEEEEAAAAAHH)

Amanda, If You're Reading This...

stick close to your phone because I'll call you. Probably tomorrow.

HOW MUCH DO I LOVE STAR WARS?
You could venture a guess, but you'd be wrong. You'd be wrong because I'm wrong whenever I venture a guess.
I JUST LOVE IT SO MUCH.

SO MUUUUUCCCCHHHH

So it's my first full day back and here's what I've done:
1) trip to Target to buy iron, shower liner, and toothpaste
2) glanced at "That's So Raven"
3) unpacked a bag and a half
4) purchased the 8-minute [assorted body parts] collection from Amazon.com for $14.99

I'd never forget Bill Pullman.

I've already made plans to see Charlie And The Chocolate Factory on IMAX. Just. Because. I. Can.
Everyone is welcome.

What Is Cat Scratch Fever, And Do All Types Of Cats Carry It?

For the answer to this question, consult the May edition of Self magazine.

An account of the last 17 hours, categorized by means of location:
AT COLUMBIA:
Packed up the last of my junk
Bagel with Matt at Nussbaum
Picked up some pictures at fotorush
Said goodbye to my dorm, which was exquisitely painful because I love it so,
even now.

AT AIRPORT:
Purchased Self, Allure, and Lucky magazines at Hudson News
Purchased a cheese/nut/apricot thing from the Au Bon Pain kiosk (soooo good)
Read Lucky and Self magazines
...For 4 hours

IN AIRPLANE:
Sat with legs uncomfortably stacked atop all my carry-on luggage
Read some of You Shall Know Our Velocity!
Read Allure magazine
Slept for ten minutes
Looked at this little baby boy who was two seats over from me in his mom's lap - he was hilarious! He kept being all like "look I have big eyes! Let me touch your magazine! Let me touch your face! We are all so happy!" And he smiled at me a few times.
Ate cheese/nut/apricot guy

AT SECOND AIRPORT:
Retrieved bags through a long and tedious and heavy process
(one which I will never willingly think of again)
Somehow got on Marta

ON MARTA:
Took up three seats with all my crap
Missed 7 calls from my mother because of that devil iPod
Sighed a lot

IN MOM'S CAR ON THE WAY HOME FROM MARTA:
Looked out windows in disbelief
Cried some (it's been a long day)
Got a little bit of chicken salad from Chik-fil-a, which started to almost make me begin to feel better

AT HOUSE:
Beckoned Sparkey to greet me
Watched Sparkey run straight past me three times in a row
Got out my laptop
Called Grandma Bobbie to let her know I got in safely
Talked to some people online
Blogged

...and it STARTS all OVER aGAIN!
That's from Stella; it's not truly how I feel.


Here's my favorite thing that Alison said this semester:
Right after the Lit Hum final, we were talking about how to spell "Boccaccio" and Alison was like "I should have just written all b's and c's and been like 'Bitch, spelling don't count!'"

Oh Lordy,
first entry from Atlanta epoch DOWN.

New York, This Is Your Last Chance

The next time I write will be from Hotlanta, so you better stinkin enjoy this.



New York, New York! New York, New York! New York, New York!

(I guess that's really all I have to say)

Pause... What Up, Bitch?

That's what Katherine said on the phone today.
A dramatization:

Me: Doodoo lalala just minding my own business BRIIIIING! BRIIIING! Whoa! It must be the phone!
Me picks up the phone
Me: Hello?
silence
Me: Hellloooooo?
Katherine: Pause...What up, bitch?
Me: laughing hysterically

fin

She's selling knives,
I'm selling my body,
He's selling me back my body for slightly more money, so he's making a profit and I'm just sad,
Who isn't selling something?

I think the last time I saw my friend Mary Gezo was when we babysat some kids together and spent the whole night finding reasons to believe that the kids' father was actually Superman.

Last party of the schoolyear? Yeah, I guess so.

Did you have a blast? Yeah, it was cool.

Did you and Peter Mende-Sieelsodiakc come up with a new secret handshake? YES INDEED.

Jealous much?!

Her Beauty Touches Everything

Here's something that has never happened to me:

I get off the plane in Atlanta, go through the terminals, and take the long escalator up to Baggage Claim only to see somebody waiting for me at the top of the escalator bank!

There's something so good about waiting for somebody at an airport. And it always takes the traveler by surprise. Here are things I think about when I think about waiting for somebody to get off a plane:

1) The time we landed in Italy and I was trying to find our bags - I heard somebody yell "Beckela! Beckela!" and turned and saw that it was Aunt Carolyn. Then she helped me get the bags.
2) I'm reluctant to mention it because I feel like it gives the entry a derivative feeling, but it DOES come to mind, so here you go: Love, Actually.
3) That "Full House" when DJ gets off the plane from being in Spain and all the Tanners (plus one Gladstone) see her making out with Steve.
4) The time Katherine came to New York
5) How pissed I am that so many airports won't let you wait at the gate anymore - instead, you have to wait at Baggage Claim or Security or wherever, and the traveler usually doesn't find you at all and the whole thing gets ruined.

Saturday, 6:30-6:45ish. I'll be walking off a plane at Hartsfield. Where will you be?

Are You The Man Who Murdered Love?

Oh MAN now that all these finals are over, I don't know what to DO with myself.

Here's my motto for the rest of the week:
DON'T THINK TWICE.

'Hey Becky,' whispers my brain, 'Hey, let's write a facebook message...no no stop thinking about it, just doooo it'

'Hey pssst,' he calls again, 'throw your fridge out the window...seven stories never hurt anyone. dooooo it!'

'Pss Pssssssssst,' (he's so persistent), 'do a cartwheel out in your hall and meet me at the bar. don't think twice.'

How can I question him, the brain in my head? He's meeting me at the bar. We are going to have a blast!


What's funny is that I was re-reading my last entry, and I thought to myself, "B really feels like a girl, not a boy." Then Katherine commented on how she thought it was feminine too! So it's agreed: B is a girl.

I guess B is for Becky - maybe that should have swayed my thinking a little. But nope, I was a funny kid.
Funny-ha-ha?
No,
Funny-idiot-savant.
If you don't believe me, take a look at the home movies.

OH NO!
I GOT PLAYDOUGH!
(extracted from the Christmas 1988 video)

Do Yourself A Favor And Listen To "The Munsters" Theme Song

When you were little, did you guys assign genders to letters of the alphabet? I was just singing along to the "Three's Company" theme, and at the place where they're like

"where the kisses are hers and hers and his,
Three is Company, too"

I was like "hers...wait, does 'her' mean boy or girl?" I had heard the "r" in "hers" and assumed it was masculine - then my childhood fallacy came flooding back to me.

Here were the letters I particularly felt were boyish:
R
T
Z
W
S
B

Girlish:
D
P
N
V
K

Androgynous:
L
J
F
H
I

I remember the day this idea was shot down. Some teacher at preschool was like "what do you mean, 'boy letters?' Letters are letters, not people." And I was like "wow. I was wrong and you were right."


AND ALSO DID I MENTION THAT I'M THROUGH WITH FINALS?!
Throw away that old situpon "Music Theory" and celebrate with me!

Songs I danced to in celebration of successful completion of freshman year:
1) "Evil" by Interpol
2) "Tenderness" by General Public
3) "Mr. Blue Sky" by ELO
4) "Just the Ten of Us" theme song
5) "Perfect Strangers" theme song

then I galloped around for a while. She's a ball of energy!
She's a bullet!
She could lift a house over her head and yours!

I'm In Heaven With My Boyfriend, My Laughing Boyfriend

Are those really the words?

Sat outside in the sun! GLORIOUS!

Had words with Mr. Byrne and guess who was invited to the wedding reception...was it a certain runaway bride? AND her would-be husband? It might just be.
Or maybe it isn't!

Frontiers exam, how you talkin? pssshhh whatever

Does anyone know that song? It's called "I Got A Man" and it's by Positive K. It's from my Monsters of Rap cd. Thanks, Fran!

Are you a chef? 'Cause you keep feeding me SOUP.
(that's also from that song)

One exam left, old Music Theory with old Mr. Holland. She doesn't care. She who? She-me.

YOU GUYS,
THE SUN
AND THE GRASS-
THEY WERE TOO GOOD.

Too good even for everyone. Except for the two little babies.

I might never smoke a cigarette - that's the thing I'll never do.

Packing up my room = depressing

Leaving a message on Grandma Bobbie's machine = always a good idea

I bought some artificial tears and I stole the tv!

I CAN'T KEEP MY MIND IN ONE PLACE
So...
OUTTIE 2000!

!!!

For My Mother, Who Doesn't Visit This Website

Things about my mother:

1) she's done it alone
2) she's done it well
3) she's done it for two kids for 23 years (42 years if you count ours separately and then add them together)
4) she named me Becky because she thought it was a good southern name AND because Rachael (my pre-chosen name) (spelled "-ael" to mimic my father's "Michael") was already taken by my cousin
(I wouldn't have liked the extra "a" in there, anyway)
5) she tore her knee when she slipped on the kitchen floor once - she was holding infant-me and she held on to me as she fell, so she couldn't really grab anything to keep her knee from taking all the force of the fall. She had to get surgery for it.
6) she yelled at my 4th grade FOCUS teacher after the teacher had bitched me out for not alerting everyone else in the class that the cultural integration project due-dates had been moved up a day.
7) she took care of me through all the migraines and cramps and vomiting spells of my life
8) in fact, in my younger days, she let me sleep in her bed (on top of a towel in case I threw up again) after I threw up.
9) she let me wipe my tears-wet face (and sometimes my nose) on her shirt countless times after crying about dad
10) she must have prepared 88,000 meals for me and Matt by this time
11) she lets me drive when we go places
12) she lets me hold the remote when we watch tv together (which doesn't happen much)
13) she introduced me to the following Goldie Hawn movies:
Death Becomes Her
Overboard
Best Friends
and probably a few more
14) she flew alone for the first time in years to visit me in New York back in April
15) she only rented out my room while I was gone ONCE. It was some South African woman, and she was in there for the month that I was in Oxford, learning about literature and psychology. I'm not positive that my mother charged her any money, though, so you could hardly call it a "renting out" of the room.
16) she lets me drink alcohol - she's not like all the other moms; she's not a regular mom. she's a COOL mom.
17) haha that's from Mean Girls so please take it as a joke and not my own retardation.
18) she made a lot of clothes for me when I was little, and most of them were nice (notable exception: a t-shirt dress with ruffles at the bottom whose front was literally covered in buttons of all shapes and sizes)
19) she taught me roman numerals when I came home from preschool one day and I've never forgotten how to use them
20) she listened very attentively when I pretended to read Berenstain Bears and the New Baby to her, over and over and over again
21) she waited until she was 34 to have me, I'm assuming because she didn't want to have me at too young an age and then come to resent me for snatching away her youth.
22) she tells me to know that I am loved at least twice a day
23) she proves it to me at least all the time

so that's my mother in a 23-item list. Her birthday is the 23rd of October. So it's fitting.
I wish I had a nametag today (as I've had for the past two years) to wear that says "Hi, my name is I love my mom"

Fewer mother-themed entries to follow...

MacArthur Park Is Seven Minutes, Twenty-Nine Seconds Long

Eating goldfish?
yes.

Anastasia Krupnik's goldfish's name?
Frank Goldfish.

Anastasia's brother's name?
Sam.

My unborn child's name (conceived right around Halloween)?
Shmuel.

Full name, please?
Shmuel Asher Lev Chaim Potok Noam Chomsky Abramowicz.

Jewish?
He'll only be half, just like his dear old mom.

Who's the baby-daddy?
Any number of possibilities...think of any half-Jew and he could be it.

Adam Goldberg, the Hebrew Hammer?
Maybe.

Cecille B. DeMille?
He's dead I think.

So not Cecille B. DeMille?
No.

David Duchovny?
You and I both wish.

Who, then?
Just some guy - you don't know him.

Do you know him?
...Not sure that I do.

TONIGHT I'M CRAWLING OUT FROM IN IT!
YOU KNOW WE'RE LIVING ON THE BRINK,
SECOND BY SECOND BY MINUTE BY MINUTE

OUR LOVE IS ALRIGHT TONIGHT!

From Montaigne, Right Before My Final

"Despite all my entrenchments, I feel it gaining on me foot by foot. I resist for as long as I can, but I do not myself know to what it will reduce me at last. But come what may, I am glad that the world will know the height from which I shall have fallen."

(from the end of "On Repentance")

Yeah, that's about right - I'm heading for a fall, but from such great heights!

My Therapist Says Not To See You No More

OH MAN YOU GUYS IT'S BEEN A CRAZY COUPLE OF WEEKS.

If I were you [yers], I don't know that I'd even have this blog bookmarked anymore.

I'd be leaving angry comments
such as these:

(1) Dear Becky,
Snap out of it and write something good! I'm sick of this crazy talk! I'm on fire and there's only one prescription - better entries!
Love,
Guy Who Reads This
(2) BECKY!
where have you a'gone to?
Me so sad,
Sad Girl Who Reads This

I guess I wouldn't necessarily leave those particular ones, but whatever you know what I mean.


So here's what I'll do to get back on track:
LIST OF NEW ITEMS BOUGHT AT URBAN OUTFITTERS YESTERDAY:
(aka "Why oh Why" List):

a. dark green t-shirt, which I am wearing today with a denim skirt (which I transformed from jeans into a skirt with MINE OWN HANDS) - the tag says the color of the shirt is "avocado," but I'm not buying it. They might convince me with "asparagus"
b. slate gray tank top
c. light pink tank top (same kind). It's pretty much flesh colored, which I think is hilarious. I shall wear it several places and watch for the millions of double-takes it's sure to propagate - "Wha! Is that girl topless?! Oh oh wait, on second look I see that she's wearing a flesh-colored tank top. Her modesty remains intact and I am the lech for thinking anything bad about her."

- Side Note - I don't even wear tank tops. Why did I get two? Plus this other one:

d. gray and pink striped tank top, which I plan to wear over the pink tank top. How many times can I write "tank top" in one entry? I shall count and tell you by the end.
e. FAVORITE PURCHASE: black shirt whose vest area is black with a little ruching above the chest. The sleeves and collar are faded black cotton material with yellow and red flowers. It actually might have been designed with me in mind.
f. Lip Venom. For $15. Might have been my stupidest purchase, but it was just sitting there in its mod pink capsule, "Lip Venom by DuWop" and Oh, the possibilities! My mind showed me pictures of boys I will kiss and leave for dead...I couldn't help it. You can't help something like that. You have to buy it and then realize, the way everyone else realizes, that it's just a small vial of burning gloss that smells vaguely of grenadine.
g. Disposable camera with a piece of green cellophane over the flash so the pictures you take turn out greenish.
h. Butterfingers chap stick - doesn't taste or smell like Butterfinger.
i. Pretty White Bracelet just like the one Tess has.

That's what I bought yesterday.

Now I'm listening to the "Family Matters" theme song (thanks, random shuffle) and I'm contemplating the two finals I have tomorrow.
Am I screwed?
Italian - I'd have to do really badly on the final to lose my A
Lit Hum - Maybe. It's a definite possiblity that I'm screwed. But death ain't so bad - look, I even see a light! So pretty...

The good news: tonight, tomorrow night (twice), and saturday night are booked up with outings and parties.

So I got that going for me, which is nice.

"Tank top" count: 8

Landed

1) I wouldn't mind visiting Canada
2) I might be able to switch from working at the cafe to the book floor at Barnes & Noble more quickly than I thought
3) (Fingers Crossed)
4) Sometimes people make me so uncomfortable
5) I just flossed.

Today would have been my parents' 25th wedding anniversary.

Perche Ti Voglio Bene

Thoughts:
1) Don't want to think of Varsity Show being over...it's too much and I can't think about it
2) All-nighter tonight. First of the semester - comes just in time because this is the last day of classes for the semester.
3) Stomachache from all-nighter
4) time for free-association:
Helen
Ellen
Elena
Alina
Ilana
My brother's first girlfriend in college
My brother's first girlfriend
Jennifer Ashley
Laura Ashley
My window curtains at home
My room at home without lights on in the middle of the day
Feeling of desolation as a ten year old
Putting all my shit in the guest room hallway when I was six, to shove it all into the guest room
Hearing "Yesterday" by the Beatles and feeling of desolation at six years old
Finally cleaning out guest room in ninth grade
Trip to Boston (spent my first night in cleaned out guest room when we got back)
Harvard
Alison's sister
Alison
Diet pepsi
pepsi vs. coke
pepsi's a bitch
the world of coke
beverley
beverly d'angelo
chevy chase
instant messenger icon
gilda radner
my email account
shepherd's pie
chicken pot pie
turkey pot pie in the cafeteria
the taste of cooked carrots
shitty carrots from wednesday night church dinners at Briarlake when I was 7
Zachary Wetzel
the twins Ben and Haley
Mary Evelyn?
treehouse with awesome hollowed-out living quarters
multi-sided big screen tv to put in canopy of tree house
Ernest Scared Stupid
Matt telling me that you could see the monster's costume zipper - that's how you know he's fake...no reason to be scared.
Matt telling me that 2+2=4 and 3+3=6 when I was four
Figuring out that it's easy to multiply large numbers by five when all you have to do is multiply by ten and then take half of that, or vice versa.

That's enough. I shall read to Walt, take a shower, maybe throw up (damn that caffeine!) (yes sir, I damn thee), go to classes, pout that the semester is closing, buy a fucking plane ticket home already, wah wah wah there's too many swastikas in the bathroom.

(sigh)